Staying in the Messy Closet

Originally posted on Themestream
I take Adderall twice a day to help me manage the side-effects of ADD. I made that choice after about a year of deliberation, trying to go it alone, unmedicated.

Not everyone who has ADD requires, or desires, medication. For me, it was the right choice. Once I began taking Adderall, I noticed a lot of differences in my life. I found I was able to stay on-task longer at work, able to follow conversations, to read passages and retain the information, and to remember something someone told me.

I also noticed I was afraid to say anything to anyone about having ADD.

My employer does not know I’ve been diagnosed with ADD. My co-workers don’t know. My FAMILY doesn’t know. A couple of friends know, and those I’ve met online, and later in person, know. Otherwise, people who know me personally do not know I’ve been diagnosed with ADD, nor do they know I take medication for it.

Why not?

I wear contact lenses because my vision is poor. I don’t strike up a conversation telling anyone I wear contact lenses, or explaining how hard it is to see without my glasses or contacts. My vision can be corrected enough so that I don’t need to ask for accommodations to perform my job.
The difference, however, is stigma.

Through high school, I wore my glasses only when absolutely necessary. People thought I was rude when I didn’t wave or smile back at them. They didn’t realize it was because I couldn’t see them. I refused to acknowledge that my vision required correction. I finally outgrew that my senior year, when my vision got even worse. Just the same, I refused to acknowledge there was a problem. There is a stigma to wearing glasses, or even contact lenses. Think about the type of person you envision when you consider someone wearing glasses. Not exactly supermodel material, huh? The brainy kid, the nerd, the loser, the doofus, the kid who couldn’t get a date, the wimp, et cetera.

People can, however, accept that some folks require glasses or contact lenses to function in the world. It’s acceptable to say, “My vision isn’t as good as others’, but that doesn’t make me less of a person.”

Being diagnosed with ADD has a much greater stigma.

There are plenty of people out there who don’t even believe in ADD, much less who are willing to accept it. Not just lay people, mind you, but physicians, scientists, politicians, therapists, teachers, parents, employers, and others whose decisions directly affect our lives.

The physician who doesn’t believe will put an ADD woman on an anti-depressant or hormone therapy or an anti-anxiety drug. It may help, it may not. Often, it will not be enough. The parent who doesn’t believe will give up on their child, or beat him senseless, or convince her she’s useless anyway so don’t worry her pretty little head. The politician who doesn’t believe will lobby to have tougher restrictions on medications and their distribution. The teacher who doesn’t believe will write off a child as a behavior problem and maybe pass her to get her out of the class, or send him to detention frequently. These people need to understand that ADD exists, and that there are different ways to handle it.

So I should just come out and say, “I’m ADD and I’m proud!” Right?

Well, maybe not. Federal laws have been put in place to keep employers from firing people due to race, religion, gender or disability. Some employers feel pretty bitter about it, and may tell their other employees that so-and-so got his promotion because he’s Black. Makes for a very uncomfortable working environment. Some employers may try to find any other reason to get rid of someone, and fire her because she’s always late, even if she’s late no more often than anyone else, or by any greater amount of time. In my current position, I think the risk of either of these scenarios is pretty low.

I don’t tell because of future positions.

We don’t know what records follow us. The stigma of ADD following a person from job to job can make it hard to get hired in the first place. Or, if an ADD person is hired, perhaps the employer feels she’s done her good deed for the day. She might even decide to be more helpful and take it upon herself to remind her employee to take his medication or follow his behavioral plan. Pretty annoying to be treated like an errant child.

All employers aren’t like that. If you require accommodations to effectively perform your job, then by all means, tell your employer! They need to know.

The sad thing is that I don’t feel comfortable telling my employer, or anyone else, that I was diagnosed with ADD, or that I take medication to help me manage it. Information is the cure for ignorance, and I’m withholding. I’m not yet comfortable enough with myself, and with my ADD, to announce it to the world. What about you? Brave enough to speak out?

If so, I hope to join you shortly.
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Learn More About It
ADD at About – The premier Attention Deficit Disorder site on the ‘net!
ADDitude Magazine – The Happy Healthy Lifestyle Magazine for People With ADD
No Panic. No Shame. Just Doing a Job – Article from the NY Times. Membership (free) required to access.