Originally posted on Themestream
I have a degree in Music Education. I have a job in the information technology industry. Why am I not teaching? My education isn’t lacking. I attended a college noted for the teaching program. According to most of my professors, I’d make an excellent teacher, so it’s not ability. Even as a child, I played school with my friends, and I was almost always the teacher, so it wasn’t desire. Why did I land in a cubicle instead of a classroom?
Self-doubt.
In spite of the glowing praise of my professors and peers, in spite of my comfort with the information, and in spite of my desire, I just didn’t think I could do the job. My piano skills are lacking, I would have to find an alternate means of accompanying a choir until I improved, but that’s not reason enough. Something in me said I wouldn’t be competent to teach.
Self-doubt isn’t uncommon for anyone, particularly for those with ADD. Many of us have been told all of our lives how we don’t measure up. It’s natural that those statements carry through adulthood. The hard part is unlearning those statements. My excuse was the bureaucracy and politics. A teacher has to put up with quite a bit of garbage, from parents, from administrators and from taxpayers. Teachers often have to defend their positions to those who think it’s an easy job – work nine months a year, seven hours a day, off for the summer.
A teacher must be reliable. If a teacher misses work, there are people who will lose. Remember how those unfortunate substitute teachers were treated? A teacher must be prompt. A few minutes late to work could result in more lost time and anarchy in the classroom. A teacher must be organized. Standing in front of a class without a plan is an invitation to an unruly class. And a teacher must be confident in his or her ability to instruct.
Reliable? The only thing I’ve been told people can count on from me is that I will somehow, somewhere, screw up. Even though at my current position, I receive very high ratings and praise, I can’t help but think of when I will make a tremendous mistake that brings everyone down on me. That message came from my childhood, from my frequent changes in direction.
Prompt? I was late for my own birthday, and have rarely been on time since. Never mind that I usually get to work at minimum five minutes before I must, or that I have been able to make time to make breakfast before I leave. I don’t remember the mornings I caught the bus to school, the majority of the mornings. I remember the mornings when I caught the late bus and walked in the door just as the teacher was calling attendance.
Organization? Lack of organization is more appropriate. Employers have complimented my filing system, and yet I feel disorganized. I can find things if I have to, but I usually have to search. Arranging my thoughts in a particular order is another special challenge for me. At work, I can find whatever I need, due to extreme compensation. At home, I cannot find my bills.
Confident? With a history like that, who would be?
This is the point where I blame my ADD for my shortcomings. This is the part where I say that because I wasn’t able to pay attention well, I didn’t learn, or because I had difficulty sitting still, I was never permitted to stay in class long enough, or because I don’t organize myself well, I couldn’t get my life in order. It’s true that ADD has made life a little difficult for me, has made it harder for me to do certain things. It’s also true that it hasn’t made me incapable of learning how to do those things differently.
One of the things diagnosis did for me was give me answers to questions I’d wanted to know. Questions such as why I couldn’t seem to proofread an expense report, or why I couldn’t remember names of friends I’d known for years were answered with that diagnosis. I understood why I did the things I did. I finally understood that I could indeed be organized, I just had to take a different approach. I can pay attention, I simply have to have the freedom to pay attention in my own way.
With diagnosis, I learned there were solutions to my problems. In my instance, knowledge and medication helped. I’m learning to retrain myself, to do things differently than I had before. It doesn’t seem like much, but my coat gets hung up when I get home. My dishes are washed in the morning. My bed is made before I leave for work. These simple things were things I couldn’t do consistently, and I couldn’t understand why. Not being able to do those simple things made me question my abilities for more complex tasks.
I’ve learned that a career for me doesn’t necessarily mean a position I hold for 20 years. For me, I may do better to do different things at different times, to experience as many different careers as possible, to avoid boredom and complacency.
I’ve learned that I can be satisfied with my life. I just need to take a different route than expected.
________________________________________
Learn More About It
The ADDult Workbook – Feature from ADD on About.
Unlearning Life’s Lessons – Thread on ADD on About message board. Membership (free) required to reply.
Ask 20 Questions – Career choice assistance from ChADD
Monday, September 8, 2008
Cluttered House, Cluttered Mind
Originally posted on Themestream
My apartment is a scary place.
I just took some ankle socks off my television a few minutes ago. There’s a mountain of mail sitting on my dining room table (so-called because it’s in the dining room – no other reason), and my bank account is currently empty. Good thing tomorrow is payday.
I have several things going on in my life that have escalated to crisis status because I have trouble dealing with them. I know this is due to the wiring in my head to some extent, that there are others who don’t have these problems, and don’t have to try and figure out how to clean up the mess.
And yet, I don’t wish my brain was any different.
Some have speculated that Albert Einstein, Thomas Edison and Ludwig von Beethoven were ADD. Posthumous diagnosis can’t be considered accurate by any means, and diagnosis of ADD really requires the presence of the “afflicted.” It’s kinda neat to consider it, though.
Their diagnosis is based partially on anecdotal evidence – notes from loved ones, teachers, news stories, etc. Einstein failed math. Edison was considered unteachable by his early instructors. Beethoven was known for his erratic moods. All of these men created something that was new.
Beethoven’s music is still performed, almost 200 years after his death. He was by far not the only composer in his time, but he is one of the few considered a master. Edison gave us a method of lighting our homes without fire. Not the only inventor, but one of the few who had such a tremendous impact on our lives. Einstein brought physics to an entirely new level. His famous theory of relativity has not yet been successfully refuted. Until we are able to attain light-speed, I doubt it will.
They thought “outside of the box.”
Being able to see something that wasn’t apparent before is a wonderful attribute. It’s helped me resolve problems in my job and in my life. I may have difficulty with organization and the administrative tasks, but I do come up with interesting solutions to previously unsolvable issues.
According to statistical records, prisons have a disproportionate number of people diagnosed with ADD. Our resumes are usually full of varied experiences. We tend to get into more accidents, have more injuries and get divorced more often than the average population.
People with ADD tend to take risks.
A risk could be something as simple as talking in front of a crowd with a new idea, or jumping off a cliff with only the ocean to break your fall. Part of the reason we have such full resumes is we may leave a job more quickly than others. I’ve been with my current employer since November of 1998 – almost 2 years. That’s the longest I’ve worked for one company, not counting the dining hall in college. I left my previous job with no other job lined up. That’s not unusual for a person with ADD.
A risk can also involve imagining possibilities and putting them to paper. Leonardo da Vinci could see that man would fly. He could grasp the principles needed to do it. He couldn’t quite manage the problem of power, but he got farther than any before him. He took chances with his life. His explorations of the human body and of flight could have gotten him burned as a witch.
I’m thankful my mind works like theirs did.
________________________________________
Learn More About It
Positive Books on ADD – from Born To Explore. A list of positive books about children with ADD.
The ADD Adult Workbook – from ADD on About
ADD Traits in Famous People – also from Born To Explore
Grateful for Gratitude – from Hyperthink Ink. Another positive look at the things that make up ADD.
My apartment is a scary place.
I just took some ankle socks off my television a few minutes ago. There’s a mountain of mail sitting on my dining room table (so-called because it’s in the dining room – no other reason), and my bank account is currently empty. Good thing tomorrow is payday.
I have several things going on in my life that have escalated to crisis status because I have trouble dealing with them. I know this is due to the wiring in my head to some extent, that there are others who don’t have these problems, and don’t have to try and figure out how to clean up the mess.
And yet, I don’t wish my brain was any different.
Some have speculated that Albert Einstein, Thomas Edison and Ludwig von Beethoven were ADD. Posthumous diagnosis can’t be considered accurate by any means, and diagnosis of ADD really requires the presence of the “afflicted.” It’s kinda neat to consider it, though.
Their diagnosis is based partially on anecdotal evidence – notes from loved ones, teachers, news stories, etc. Einstein failed math. Edison was considered unteachable by his early instructors. Beethoven was known for his erratic moods. All of these men created something that was new.
Beethoven’s music is still performed, almost 200 years after his death. He was by far not the only composer in his time, but he is one of the few considered a master. Edison gave us a method of lighting our homes without fire. Not the only inventor, but one of the few who had such a tremendous impact on our lives. Einstein brought physics to an entirely new level. His famous theory of relativity has not yet been successfully refuted. Until we are able to attain light-speed, I doubt it will.
They thought “outside of the box.”
Being able to see something that wasn’t apparent before is a wonderful attribute. It’s helped me resolve problems in my job and in my life. I may have difficulty with organization and the administrative tasks, but I do come up with interesting solutions to previously unsolvable issues.
According to statistical records, prisons have a disproportionate number of people diagnosed with ADD. Our resumes are usually full of varied experiences. We tend to get into more accidents, have more injuries and get divorced more often than the average population.
People with ADD tend to take risks.
A risk could be something as simple as talking in front of a crowd with a new idea, or jumping off a cliff with only the ocean to break your fall. Part of the reason we have such full resumes is we may leave a job more quickly than others. I’ve been with my current employer since November of 1998 – almost 2 years. That’s the longest I’ve worked for one company, not counting the dining hall in college. I left my previous job with no other job lined up. That’s not unusual for a person with ADD.
A risk can also involve imagining possibilities and putting them to paper. Leonardo da Vinci could see that man would fly. He could grasp the principles needed to do it. He couldn’t quite manage the problem of power, but he got farther than any before him. He took chances with his life. His explorations of the human body and of flight could have gotten him burned as a witch.
I’m thankful my mind works like theirs did.
________________________________________
Learn More About It
Positive Books on ADD – from Born To Explore. A list of positive books about children with ADD.
The ADD Adult Workbook – from ADD on About
ADD Traits in Famous People – also from Born To Explore
Grateful for Gratitude – from Hyperthink Ink. Another positive look at the things that make up ADD.
Do I Need a Coach?
Originally posted on Themestream
Hire a personal coach? How ridiculous is that? Coaches help teams get better on the field. Coaches teach health class. Coaches become color commentators on network sports broadcasts. This isn’t a game, this is life. There is no instant replay, no do-overs, no time outs. I need help figuring out how to manage, understanding how to use the tools I have, learning and retaining new information and new ways of thinking. I don’t need some dude on the sidelines telling me how wonderful I am, and how I’ll get ‘em next time.
Actually, personal coaches don’t do that.
Well, they do some of that, but that’s not all. A personal coach does use some of the basic ideas of sports coaching, absolutely. For example, a coach works with a client to make them better at what they want to do, much like a football coach helps his players become better wide receivers. Coaches also help people use the skills they’ve learned throughout their lives, and explore their own goals and dreams. Coaches can help a person become a better dentist, or even help a person realize they really don’t want to be an accountant.
Coaching is not therapy. Coaching and therapy work quite well together, however, since one helps the client figure out why (therapy) and the other lets the client figure out how (coaching). Coaches cannot help you understand why you and your sister Fanny fought like cats and dogs when Uncle Nestor was around. A coach can, however, help you use the skills you learned in those fights to advance your own life.
For an ADD Coach, the line between coaching and therapy can be a bit fuzzy. A person who has been told he’s lazy his entire life is bound to be affected negatively, particularly when there is no clear reason for the apparent laziness. An ADD coach can help a person better understand the roadblocks in front of her, and find a way to use the information she already has to get by them, or demolish them altogether.
One of my online friends was studying to be an ADD coach. She shared a great deal of information with me about her classes and her future work. I had an imperfect understanding of what a coach was, and figured it wasn’t something that would be of any help to me. Rather than waste the money on something I didn’t think I needed, I just let it go, listening to her go on and on about how wonderful coaching was. Essentially, I humored her.
As time wore on, the idea of having a personal coach began to interest me. I asked more questions and got better answers, answers that made sense, that made coaching seem relevant to my situation. In June of this year, I joined my friend at a coaching seminar. At that seminar, I saw the light. I hired a coach in July of this year.
The plan was to try it out and see if anything worked. I knew it would take some time to see any progress, and I knew that it was pretty dependent on me, rather than the coach. Frankly, that scared me. For a week, I obsessed over what I would say to my new coach in that first conversation. I knew the question of what I wanted to accomplish would come up, and I just wasn’t really sure. Fortunately for me, we spent the bulk of that time talking about him. We discussed how he works as a coach, and about his expectations of me as a client. He clarified his policies for me, and gave me a clearer picture of the way our coaching relationship would work.
He also gave me a homework assignment.
One of the things that drove me to coaching was that I just didn’t seem to know how to start…anything! Whatever I set out to do, if it was on a grand scale, I could readily see the overall picture. Breaking it down into manageable chunks, however, was virtually impossible. He asked about my plans, about things going on in my life that were giving me grief, and selected the less-threatening issue. My assignment – to write a list, not prioritized, of things I thought I needed to do to attain that goal. He reinforced that the list was mine to write as I needed, with as much or as little detail as I could manage, and that the list was to be essentially a brainstorm, nothing concrete. I was a little concerned. List writing and goal setting has never been a strength for me, another issue I wanted to fix.
Through our phone sessions, there were no gut-wrenching revelations, no miraculous discoveries, nothing that brought anyone to tears. There was exploration of my mindset, understanding of what the real issue is, and clarification of the difference between therapy and coaching. There has also been an overall improvement in the quality of my life. My coach has shown me that I have the skills to do the things I want to do, and he has helped me explore ways to adapt skills I have in one area for use in other areas.
This past week, I drew up an extensive list, categorized and prioritized, showing the steps I need to take to attain one of my goals. I included a rough timeline, and even broke down the list further into smaller components.
I couldn’t do that before I started working with a coach.
My coach hasn’t done any work for me, I’ve done it all myself. What he has done is shown me a new way of looking at things, something I thought I already had a grip on. What I didn’t get was the negative messages I’ve heard all my life were affecting me more strongly than I thought. This is one of the places where the coaching/therapy line gets fuzzy. The messages and their aftereffects are a very large part of ADD. The repercussions that affect emotion need to be handled by a therapist. Those that affect life in general can be worked on with a coach.
Do you need a coach? Might be worth a try.
________________________________________
Learn More About It
What is Coaching All About? – From Coach U
The Personal ADD Coach – Jan 1999 feature from ADD on About
The Optimal Functioning Institute – Training specifically for ADD Coaches
Hire a personal coach? How ridiculous is that? Coaches help teams get better on the field. Coaches teach health class. Coaches become color commentators on network sports broadcasts. This isn’t a game, this is life. There is no instant replay, no do-overs, no time outs. I need help figuring out how to manage, understanding how to use the tools I have, learning and retaining new information and new ways of thinking. I don’t need some dude on the sidelines telling me how wonderful I am, and how I’ll get ‘em next time.
Actually, personal coaches don’t do that.
Well, they do some of that, but that’s not all. A personal coach does use some of the basic ideas of sports coaching, absolutely. For example, a coach works with a client to make them better at what they want to do, much like a football coach helps his players become better wide receivers. Coaches also help people use the skills they’ve learned throughout their lives, and explore their own goals and dreams. Coaches can help a person become a better dentist, or even help a person realize they really don’t want to be an accountant.
Coaching is not therapy. Coaching and therapy work quite well together, however, since one helps the client figure out why (therapy) and the other lets the client figure out how (coaching). Coaches cannot help you understand why you and your sister Fanny fought like cats and dogs when Uncle Nestor was around. A coach can, however, help you use the skills you learned in those fights to advance your own life.
For an ADD Coach, the line between coaching and therapy can be a bit fuzzy. A person who has been told he’s lazy his entire life is bound to be affected negatively, particularly when there is no clear reason for the apparent laziness. An ADD coach can help a person better understand the roadblocks in front of her, and find a way to use the information she already has to get by them, or demolish them altogether.
One of my online friends was studying to be an ADD coach. She shared a great deal of information with me about her classes and her future work. I had an imperfect understanding of what a coach was, and figured it wasn’t something that would be of any help to me. Rather than waste the money on something I didn’t think I needed, I just let it go, listening to her go on and on about how wonderful coaching was. Essentially, I humored her.
As time wore on, the idea of having a personal coach began to interest me. I asked more questions and got better answers, answers that made sense, that made coaching seem relevant to my situation. In June of this year, I joined my friend at a coaching seminar. At that seminar, I saw the light. I hired a coach in July of this year.
The plan was to try it out and see if anything worked. I knew it would take some time to see any progress, and I knew that it was pretty dependent on me, rather than the coach. Frankly, that scared me. For a week, I obsessed over what I would say to my new coach in that first conversation. I knew the question of what I wanted to accomplish would come up, and I just wasn’t really sure. Fortunately for me, we spent the bulk of that time talking about him. We discussed how he works as a coach, and about his expectations of me as a client. He clarified his policies for me, and gave me a clearer picture of the way our coaching relationship would work.
He also gave me a homework assignment.
One of the things that drove me to coaching was that I just didn’t seem to know how to start…anything! Whatever I set out to do, if it was on a grand scale, I could readily see the overall picture. Breaking it down into manageable chunks, however, was virtually impossible. He asked about my plans, about things going on in my life that were giving me grief, and selected the less-threatening issue. My assignment – to write a list, not prioritized, of things I thought I needed to do to attain that goal. He reinforced that the list was mine to write as I needed, with as much or as little detail as I could manage, and that the list was to be essentially a brainstorm, nothing concrete. I was a little concerned. List writing and goal setting has never been a strength for me, another issue I wanted to fix.
Through our phone sessions, there were no gut-wrenching revelations, no miraculous discoveries, nothing that brought anyone to tears. There was exploration of my mindset, understanding of what the real issue is, and clarification of the difference between therapy and coaching. There has also been an overall improvement in the quality of my life. My coach has shown me that I have the skills to do the things I want to do, and he has helped me explore ways to adapt skills I have in one area for use in other areas.
This past week, I drew up an extensive list, categorized and prioritized, showing the steps I need to take to attain one of my goals. I included a rough timeline, and even broke down the list further into smaller components.
I couldn’t do that before I started working with a coach.
My coach hasn’t done any work for me, I’ve done it all myself. What he has done is shown me a new way of looking at things, something I thought I already had a grip on. What I didn’t get was the negative messages I’ve heard all my life were affecting me more strongly than I thought. This is one of the places where the coaching/therapy line gets fuzzy. The messages and their aftereffects are a very large part of ADD. The repercussions that affect emotion need to be handled by a therapist. Those that affect life in general can be worked on with a coach.
Do you need a coach? Might be worth a try.
________________________________________
Learn More About It
What is Coaching All About? – From Coach U
The Personal ADD Coach – Jan 1999 feature from ADD on About
The Optimal Functioning Institute – Training specifically for ADD Coaches
Meds in the Morning
Originally posted on Themestream
Before:
The alarm goes off, and I hit the snooze. Nine minutes pass, the radio announcer tells me what the weather will be, and starts to give me the traffic conditions when I reach for the snooze button again.
Fifty-four minutes later, I roll out of bed and start to get ready. I have to be at work in 45 minutes, but first I have to get showered, dressed, do my hair and put on makeup. Plenty of time, I take a pretty fast shower.
Off to the bathroom. That toilet could sure use a scrub, should probably do that now while I’m thinking of it. Turn on the shower, get the water warm. Since I’ve got the sponge and cleaner out, I might as well tackle the sink, too. Can’t have the bathroom looking only partially cleaned. In the shower, wash up, dry off. Clean the shower just a bit, it needs it. Off to get dressed.
Choosing my clothes. It’s summer, now, I can put those turtlenecks away for a while, make more room in my closet. Since it’s summer, these lightweight shirts I have in the storage closet can be brought out, too. Move my clothes, choose an outfit. Do I have clean socks? No, better choose something else. What can I wear without socks? When can I do laundry next? Maybe tonight when I get home from work.
The radio announcer tells me the time. I can’t believe it, I have only 10 minutes before I leave, and I haven’t even touched my hair. Good thing my makeup only takes 5 minutes. Where is my comb? Oh, right, I took it in the living room to touch up my curls last night. Hmm, I think I’ll unplug this curling iron. No point in tempting fate. My black scrunchy! I’ve been looking for that! Back to my room, no time for anything fancy, hair in a ponytail. Sheesh! I have to leave, NOW!
Grab my makeup, I’ll do it at the stoplights before the highway. I’m starving, I need to go grab something to eat, or I’ll never make it to lunch. Shoot, no cash. Oh, stoplight, base. I have to be at work in ten minutes, I should be able to make that. It’s only about 10 miles from here, and it’s all highway. Another stoplight, smear on some lipstick. Hit the highway. Man, where does the time go? How does it take me seven minutes to get to the highway? It’s only 4 miles away! The radio announcer mentions a traffic backup. And I just passed my last chance to get off and miss this! Stuck in traffic. Why am I always so late?
After:
The alarm goes off. I reach over to the nightstand and grab a little brown bottle. Shake out one little blue pill and take it, roll over and hit the snooze. Nine minutes pass, I crawl out of bed. I sit on the edge for a moment, trying to get my bearings. Gotta go get showered and dressed, only 45 minutes before I have to be at work.
In the shower, the toilet could use a scrub, but I’m running low on time, so I’ll get it when I get home. Have to remember to tackle the sink then, too. Climb out, dry off, wash my face, and brush my teeth. Gotta get dressed.
It’s fall, now, I can move these summer clothes later, when I get home. I listen for the radio announcer to tell me the weather. Ah, cool, but not cold. This should work fine. I still have 20 minutes to go.
What to do with my hair? Oh, I know, I’ll braid it up today. Where’s my comb? In the living room. Grab my comb, start my hair. That braid didn’t work, let me try again. What time? Running short, only 10 minutes left. Better just take that one and deal with it.
Makeup’s done, I’m ready to go. And I still have time to grab some breakfast. I’ll be at work a few minutes early, today.
I take medications to help me manage my ADD. The difference is amazing. I still arrive late to work from time to time, I still get a little distracted in the morning, and I have been known to hit the snooze for an hour even now, although usually it’s because I stayed up too late the previous night.
Not everyone needs medications for ADD. Not everyone wants medications. Many have found other methods of managing what could easily be a major obstacle in their lives. Many others, unfortunately, have found nothing, and are continuing in the downward spiral of depression, related to untreated or unmanaged ADD.
Before I decided on medicating, I spent a year trying to find a way to work with my life and mind as it was. I quit my job because it was making me ill. Truly ill. I still had problems dealing, but I finally had a name, and I finally had a direction to go to change the things I’d wanted to change for years. I tried diet, I tried exercise, I even tried schedules and planners, vitamins, medication, and even had friends who would remind me of things. None of those worked, at least, not for long. Medication helped me organize my life. I started it for myself, though, not to make others happy.
To medicate or not to medicate: THAT is the question.
________________________________________
Learn More About It
ADD on About: Medications Page– One of the premier ADD sites on the ‘net
The Optimal Functioning Institute – A source for personal ADD coaches
ADD in the Work Place – From ADDvance magazine. Specific to women.
Before:
The alarm goes off, and I hit the snooze. Nine minutes pass, the radio announcer tells me what the weather will be, and starts to give me the traffic conditions when I reach for the snooze button again.
Fifty-four minutes later, I roll out of bed and start to get ready. I have to be at work in 45 minutes, but first I have to get showered, dressed, do my hair and put on makeup. Plenty of time, I take a pretty fast shower.
Off to the bathroom. That toilet could sure use a scrub, should probably do that now while I’m thinking of it. Turn on the shower, get the water warm. Since I’ve got the sponge and cleaner out, I might as well tackle the sink, too. Can’t have the bathroom looking only partially cleaned. In the shower, wash up, dry off. Clean the shower just a bit, it needs it. Off to get dressed.
Choosing my clothes. It’s summer, now, I can put those turtlenecks away for a while, make more room in my closet. Since it’s summer, these lightweight shirts I have in the storage closet can be brought out, too. Move my clothes, choose an outfit. Do I have clean socks? No, better choose something else. What can I wear without socks? When can I do laundry next? Maybe tonight when I get home from work.
The radio announcer tells me the time. I can’t believe it, I have only 10 minutes before I leave, and I haven’t even touched my hair. Good thing my makeup only takes 5 minutes. Where is my comb? Oh, right, I took it in the living room to touch up my curls last night. Hmm, I think I’ll unplug this curling iron. No point in tempting fate. My black scrunchy! I’ve been looking for that! Back to my room, no time for anything fancy, hair in a ponytail. Sheesh! I have to leave, NOW!
Grab my makeup, I’ll do it at the stoplights before the highway. I’m starving, I need to go grab something to eat, or I’ll never make it to lunch. Shoot, no cash. Oh, stoplight, base. I have to be at work in ten minutes, I should be able to make that. It’s only about 10 miles from here, and it’s all highway. Another stoplight, smear on some lipstick. Hit the highway. Man, where does the time go? How does it take me seven minutes to get to the highway? It’s only 4 miles away! The radio announcer mentions a traffic backup. And I just passed my last chance to get off and miss this! Stuck in traffic. Why am I always so late?
After:
The alarm goes off. I reach over to the nightstand and grab a little brown bottle. Shake out one little blue pill and take it, roll over and hit the snooze. Nine minutes pass, I crawl out of bed. I sit on the edge for a moment, trying to get my bearings. Gotta go get showered and dressed, only 45 minutes before I have to be at work.
In the shower, the toilet could use a scrub, but I’m running low on time, so I’ll get it when I get home. Have to remember to tackle the sink then, too. Climb out, dry off, wash my face, and brush my teeth. Gotta get dressed.
It’s fall, now, I can move these summer clothes later, when I get home. I listen for the radio announcer to tell me the weather. Ah, cool, but not cold. This should work fine. I still have 20 minutes to go.
What to do with my hair? Oh, I know, I’ll braid it up today. Where’s my comb? In the living room. Grab my comb, start my hair. That braid didn’t work, let me try again. What time? Running short, only 10 minutes left. Better just take that one and deal with it.
Makeup’s done, I’m ready to go. And I still have time to grab some breakfast. I’ll be at work a few minutes early, today.
I take medications to help me manage my ADD. The difference is amazing. I still arrive late to work from time to time, I still get a little distracted in the morning, and I have been known to hit the snooze for an hour even now, although usually it’s because I stayed up too late the previous night.
Not everyone needs medications for ADD. Not everyone wants medications. Many have found other methods of managing what could easily be a major obstacle in their lives. Many others, unfortunately, have found nothing, and are continuing in the downward spiral of depression, related to untreated or unmanaged ADD.
Before I decided on medicating, I spent a year trying to find a way to work with my life and mind as it was. I quit my job because it was making me ill. Truly ill. I still had problems dealing, but I finally had a name, and I finally had a direction to go to change the things I’d wanted to change for years. I tried diet, I tried exercise, I even tried schedules and planners, vitamins, medication, and even had friends who would remind me of things. None of those worked, at least, not for long. Medication helped me organize my life. I started it for myself, though, not to make others happy.
To medicate or not to medicate: THAT is the question.
________________________________________
Learn More About It
ADD on About: Medications Page– One of the premier ADD sites on the ‘net
The Optimal Functioning Institute – A source for personal ADD coaches
ADD in the Work Place – From ADDvance magazine. Specific to women.
Driving Miss Dizzy
Originally posted on Themestream
Driving is very therapeutic for me. It doesn’t necessarily matter where, just the act of driving itself calms me. Unless I’m driving to work, since I’m usually running late anyway (see why in Meds in the Morning). Then, I let my aggressive-driver instincts take over.
When I’m not in a rush, though, I enjoy a drive: on the highway, on a two-lane road, on major thoroughfares and side streets. Dirt roads aren’t fun, my car is too light to really drive well. I have trouble with gravel, too.
Road trips were always a special treat. With as many as we took, you wouldn’t think so, but they were. If we were taking a vacation, it wasn’t uncommon for mom to pull off the highway at an exit that looked “interesting.” I first set foot in Canada on one of those trips. We were on our way to Wisconsin Dells, and saw a sign saying “Canada 9 mi.” Couldn’t pass that up. We drove over the bridge, bought McDonald’s (that Canadian delicacy) and gas, and drove through the tunnel.
Once I got my own license, and, more importantly, my own car, I decided to maintain that tradition.
In the first three months that I had my current vehicle, I drove 6000 miles. Considering I took the bus to work, there was an awful lot of driving going on.
I would wake up on a Saturday morning and decide to go somewhere. Not anywhere in particular, just somewhere. Often, I would get in my car and pick a direction. One Sunday, I decided to drive down US 27, just to see how far I could get. I got as far as Lexington, KY, before I decided to turn back.
Another Saturday, I hopped on I-75 and drove north. Let me tell you, Ohio is a pretty boring drive. Outside of Toledo (3 hours north of my home), I saw a sign saying Detroit wasn’t all that much farther. I continued, and eventually wound up in Windsor in Canada. I didn’t buy gas or McDonald’s, but I did get some yummy chocolate and a small jug of maple syrup from a duty-free shop on the border.
One of the hardest things about driving is understanding the other drivers, and anticipating their next moves.
Some drivers experience tunnel-vision. They can only focus on the car right in front of them, and their destination. No energy left for carrying on a conversation, or noticing the field of colorful wildflowers on the left, or the deer on the right, or the car stopping two cars ahead of them.
These people drive me nuts.
Other drivers like to weave in and out of traffic, behaving like Mario Andretti, cutting in front of unsuspecting drivers, crossing four lanes of traffic at 90 mph (or faster) just to make their exit.
I’m not too thrilled with these folks, either.
I’m somewhere in the middle, leaning a bit more toward being the driver you’re defending against. I adjust my driving to the conditions of the road, traffic, other drivers and my passengers, if any.
So what does this have to do with distraction and ADD?
One of the symptoms of ADD is distractability. The distractable ADDult appears to not be paying attention to the immediate issue – in this case, driving – and noticing the signs and trees and flowers and other things not obviously related.
I can’t necessarily tell you what the make and model of the cars around me are, but I can tell you what they’re likely to do. While observing the cars, I notice the interesting billboards, telling me where the nearest flea market or Cracker Barrel is, and if I’m going to have enough time and space to pass the dude in front of me who insists on going below the speed limit in the right lane a mile before my exit.
Okay, so I’m not a patient driver.
This distraction, this absorbing all stimuli, helps me considerably while driving. I can judge the traffic far enough in advance to make my plans, to adjust my driving style. The car right in front of me may have slower reflexes, and may not stop in time to avoid hitting the car in front of it.
In my visual scan, however, I already noticed that two cars ahead of me, traffic has slowed considerably, and I need to either switch lanes or slow down. I, of course, already know how far back the cars in the other lanes are, and have judged the relative speed of the traffic flow, estimated the time it will take me to switch lanes, observed how much further I have until I have to get off, and noted when the next Cracker Barrel will come along.
All that scanning can make a person hungry.
Yes, I’ve been known to break the speed limit a time or two – okay, I’ve had some passengers say the sound barrier, but I think that’s an exaggeration – and I have had my share of near misses. Only one accident, though, and it was with a professional victim. I make a conscious effort to not cut off other drivers. I don’t drive faster than I’m comfortable driving, I don’t tailgate (often), I don’t run red lights, and I definitely observe the speed limit in school zones during the school year.
Those kids can’t run as fast on those little legs.
I do get distracted. If I’m not interested in what I’m doing – and sometimes when I am – I can very easily leave the room, mentally. I spent plenty of geometry classes contemplating the run-down tenements outside the school, and assemblies counting the tiles in the ceiling. Reading books is a special challenge. If the author is dull to me, I can’t get through it without a great deal of struggle. If the author is a favorite, any sentence can send me off on tangents. I can read several pages without seeing a single word.
While I’m driving, though, that propensity for distraction is very valuable. Yes, I see the cars and the road, I see the traffic and my exits or streets. I also see the car just a bit ahead that is having trouble, and may have to cross the highway to pull off the road. I see the deer considering crossing the street. I see the pickup that is barreling down on me with reckless abandon. I see the emergency vehicles long before I hear them.
And yes, I see the Cracker Barrel, two miles, exit 39D.
________________________________________
Learn More About It
Driven to Distraction – Dr. Ed Hallowell. Not about driving, but about distraction.
The Story of D – What can happen when others don’t see our gifts.
Driving is very therapeutic for me. It doesn’t necessarily matter where, just the act of driving itself calms me. Unless I’m driving to work, since I’m usually running late anyway (see why in Meds in the Morning). Then, I let my aggressive-driver instincts take over.
When I’m not in a rush, though, I enjoy a drive: on the highway, on a two-lane road, on major thoroughfares and side streets. Dirt roads aren’t fun, my car is too light to really drive well. I have trouble with gravel, too.
Road trips were always a special treat. With as many as we took, you wouldn’t think so, but they were. If we were taking a vacation, it wasn’t uncommon for mom to pull off the highway at an exit that looked “interesting.” I first set foot in Canada on one of those trips. We were on our way to Wisconsin Dells, and saw a sign saying “Canada 9 mi.” Couldn’t pass that up. We drove over the bridge, bought McDonald’s (that Canadian delicacy) and gas, and drove through the tunnel.
Once I got my own license, and, more importantly, my own car, I decided to maintain that tradition.
In the first three months that I had my current vehicle, I drove 6000 miles. Considering I took the bus to work, there was an awful lot of driving going on.
I would wake up on a Saturday morning and decide to go somewhere. Not anywhere in particular, just somewhere. Often, I would get in my car and pick a direction. One Sunday, I decided to drive down US 27, just to see how far I could get. I got as far as Lexington, KY, before I decided to turn back.
Another Saturday, I hopped on I-75 and drove north. Let me tell you, Ohio is a pretty boring drive. Outside of Toledo (3 hours north of my home), I saw a sign saying Detroit wasn’t all that much farther. I continued, and eventually wound up in Windsor in Canada. I didn’t buy gas or McDonald’s, but I did get some yummy chocolate and a small jug of maple syrup from a duty-free shop on the border.
One of the hardest things about driving is understanding the other drivers, and anticipating their next moves.
Some drivers experience tunnel-vision. They can only focus on the car right in front of them, and their destination. No energy left for carrying on a conversation, or noticing the field of colorful wildflowers on the left, or the deer on the right, or the car stopping two cars ahead of them.
These people drive me nuts.
Other drivers like to weave in and out of traffic, behaving like Mario Andretti, cutting in front of unsuspecting drivers, crossing four lanes of traffic at 90 mph (or faster) just to make their exit.
I’m not too thrilled with these folks, either.
I’m somewhere in the middle, leaning a bit more toward being the driver you’re defending against. I adjust my driving to the conditions of the road, traffic, other drivers and my passengers, if any.
So what does this have to do with distraction and ADD?
One of the symptoms of ADD is distractability. The distractable ADDult appears to not be paying attention to the immediate issue – in this case, driving – and noticing the signs and trees and flowers and other things not obviously related.
I can’t necessarily tell you what the make and model of the cars around me are, but I can tell you what they’re likely to do. While observing the cars, I notice the interesting billboards, telling me where the nearest flea market or Cracker Barrel is, and if I’m going to have enough time and space to pass the dude in front of me who insists on going below the speed limit in the right lane a mile before my exit.
Okay, so I’m not a patient driver.
This distraction, this absorbing all stimuli, helps me considerably while driving. I can judge the traffic far enough in advance to make my plans, to adjust my driving style. The car right in front of me may have slower reflexes, and may not stop in time to avoid hitting the car in front of it.
In my visual scan, however, I already noticed that two cars ahead of me, traffic has slowed considerably, and I need to either switch lanes or slow down. I, of course, already know how far back the cars in the other lanes are, and have judged the relative speed of the traffic flow, estimated the time it will take me to switch lanes, observed how much further I have until I have to get off, and noted when the next Cracker Barrel will come along.
All that scanning can make a person hungry.
Yes, I’ve been known to break the speed limit a time or two – okay, I’ve had some passengers say the sound barrier, but I think that’s an exaggeration – and I have had my share of near misses. Only one accident, though, and it was with a professional victim. I make a conscious effort to not cut off other drivers. I don’t drive faster than I’m comfortable driving, I don’t tailgate (often), I don’t run red lights, and I definitely observe the speed limit in school zones during the school year.
Those kids can’t run as fast on those little legs.
I do get distracted. If I’m not interested in what I’m doing – and sometimes when I am – I can very easily leave the room, mentally. I spent plenty of geometry classes contemplating the run-down tenements outside the school, and assemblies counting the tiles in the ceiling. Reading books is a special challenge. If the author is dull to me, I can’t get through it without a great deal of struggle. If the author is a favorite, any sentence can send me off on tangents. I can read several pages without seeing a single word.
While I’m driving, though, that propensity for distraction is very valuable. Yes, I see the cars and the road, I see the traffic and my exits or streets. I also see the car just a bit ahead that is having trouble, and may have to cross the highway to pull off the road. I see the deer considering crossing the street. I see the pickup that is barreling down on me with reckless abandon. I see the emergency vehicles long before I hear them.
And yes, I see the Cracker Barrel, two miles, exit 39D.
________________________________________
Learn More About It
Driven to Distraction – Dr. Ed Hallowell. Not about driving, but about distraction.
The Story of D – What can happen when others don’t see our gifts.
Hole in My Pocket
Originally posted on Themestream
In 1990, I got my first credit card.
It wasn’t much, just a card a $750 limit. I applied for it in the basement of the Student Union at college. If you’ve ever been on a college campus, especially in the past 10 years, you’ve probably seen them. During special weekends or events, there would be a table, or a booth, decorated with all kinds of gifts. The day I applied, they were giving away sunglasses. Not long after, my credit card arrived in the mail. I think I had it for about 15 hours before I went to break it in.
That December, I bought Christmas presents. I bought the standard stuff I’d always bought for my family, and bought myself what I wanted. My card was half full, but I was still making the payments -- usually, only the minimum payment. The following spring, I really did it. Upset because I wasn’t going off to the Bahamas or Cozumel like the rest of my friends, I went shopping.
Man, did I go shopping!
In 1993, I got married. I was still living in my college town. Since this place only existed because of the college, during the summer, there were no jobs. I spent the summer at home, trying to keep myself busy. We survived on my husband’s minimum wage, part-time job. He also applied for and got a credit card. Between his card and mine, we had enough to live. I finally found a job in August of that year, just in time for the back-to-school rush. I took the semester off then, and he finished up his degree. There were weeks we wouldn’t have eaten if not for the generosity of friends and strangers.
In 1995, I graduated from college. My husband and I separated. Strangely enough, one of our problems was financial. I spent that summer living in a friend’s apartment, trying to figure out if my marriage was worth another shot, and trying to decide what I wanted to be when I grew up. During that summer, I applied for and got a few more credit cards. My husband moved into an apartment where he shared a kitchen, laundry facilities and utility and phone bills with three others.
I took out a loan to pay off some of my debts, so I could start off fresh. That money was supposed to go toward my student loan, my credit cards, and my own apartment. When my husband had to move out of his apartment, he still owed money for rent. I used part of my loan to bail him out. A few weeks later, I used more of that loan to put down a deposit on an apartment and a car we couldn’t afford. A few months later, we found out the electric and phone bills from his summer apartment were in his name.
My credit card bills went unpaid.
In 1996, we split up for good. My financial situation hadn’t improved. If anything, it had gotten worse. I now had minimum payments that exceeded my take-home pay. Before we split, we had tried to go through credit counseling. We couldn’t keep up those payments, and had to drop out of the program. He moved in with his parents, and I stayed in our apartment and kept our car. Most of the bills were in my name.
In 1997, I filed bankruptcy.
People with ADD are almost notorious for financial problems. Many of us have owed thousands of dollars at different points in our lives, due to poor financial management, spotty employment histories, or failed entrepreneurial efforts.
I filed chapter 7, wiping the slate clean. In the time between having all those debts and having very few, I learned how to handle my money. It wasn’t exactly positive, not something I’d recommend to anyone, but certainly not something I’d warn against. When I decided to file, I realized that I had no other options. I was working 40 hours a week, making just enough to cover basic necessities, like food and housing. There was no extra money for creditors.
I moved out of my apartment, packing up my things and sneaking out. I had the means to hire movers – or rather, my mother did – so I didn’t have to try and move my things myself. A month after I moved out, I informed my ex that if he wanted to keep his credit in tact, he needed to get the car, or it would be repossessed.
My bankruptcy was discharged in February of 1998. In May of 1998, I was able to purchase a car. A co-worker of mine also filed that year, discharged in January of 1998. She just purchased a house a few months ago.
How can you avoid getting into this spot?
Aside from turning into Charles Schwab, I couldn’t tell you. I did make a few changes on my own, however, to maintain some sort of financial stability. When I go into a store, I allow time for browsing and putting things back. I’ve tried taking a list with me, and I’ve rarely been able to follow it. Having a specific amount of money available to spend helped. Carrying a calculator with me also helped.
Find a way to balance your checkbook. The standard balancing, knowing exactly how much is in there at every moment did not work well for me. I have developed another method that I can maintain. As a result, I’ve not had nearly as much difficulty managing my money.
Round up withdrawals, and round down deposits. If I write a check for $55.01, I round that up to $56.00. If I deposit a check worth $89.99, I round it down to $89. Early on, that provided a good cushion for me, while I tried to manage my money more effectively.
Before you have to go to the credit counselors, see about hiring an accountant to manage your money. Perhaps find an ADD coach instead, to help you understand how you handle your money.
Financial health is quite possible. It’s not easy, but it’s possible.
For more Orderly Chaos – Click the graphic at the top of the article, or click here!
________________________________________
Learn More About It
About Bankruptcy – From the American Bankruptcy Institute
Getting Control – Also from the American Bankruptcy Institute
A Personal Trainer for Your Brain – Feature article from ADD on About
In 1990, I got my first credit card.
It wasn’t much, just a card a $750 limit. I applied for it in the basement of the Student Union at college. If you’ve ever been on a college campus, especially in the past 10 years, you’ve probably seen them. During special weekends or events, there would be a table, or a booth, decorated with all kinds of gifts. The day I applied, they were giving away sunglasses. Not long after, my credit card arrived in the mail. I think I had it for about 15 hours before I went to break it in.
That December, I bought Christmas presents. I bought the standard stuff I’d always bought for my family, and bought myself what I wanted. My card was half full, but I was still making the payments -- usually, only the minimum payment. The following spring, I really did it. Upset because I wasn’t going off to the Bahamas or Cozumel like the rest of my friends, I went shopping.
Man, did I go shopping!
In 1993, I got married. I was still living in my college town. Since this place only existed because of the college, during the summer, there were no jobs. I spent the summer at home, trying to keep myself busy. We survived on my husband’s minimum wage, part-time job. He also applied for and got a credit card. Between his card and mine, we had enough to live. I finally found a job in August of that year, just in time for the back-to-school rush. I took the semester off then, and he finished up his degree. There were weeks we wouldn’t have eaten if not for the generosity of friends and strangers.
In 1995, I graduated from college. My husband and I separated. Strangely enough, one of our problems was financial. I spent that summer living in a friend’s apartment, trying to figure out if my marriage was worth another shot, and trying to decide what I wanted to be when I grew up. During that summer, I applied for and got a few more credit cards. My husband moved into an apartment where he shared a kitchen, laundry facilities and utility and phone bills with three others.
I took out a loan to pay off some of my debts, so I could start off fresh. That money was supposed to go toward my student loan, my credit cards, and my own apartment. When my husband had to move out of his apartment, he still owed money for rent. I used part of my loan to bail him out. A few weeks later, I used more of that loan to put down a deposit on an apartment and a car we couldn’t afford. A few months later, we found out the electric and phone bills from his summer apartment were in his name.
My credit card bills went unpaid.
In 1996, we split up for good. My financial situation hadn’t improved. If anything, it had gotten worse. I now had minimum payments that exceeded my take-home pay. Before we split, we had tried to go through credit counseling. We couldn’t keep up those payments, and had to drop out of the program. He moved in with his parents, and I stayed in our apartment and kept our car. Most of the bills were in my name.
In 1997, I filed bankruptcy.
People with ADD are almost notorious for financial problems. Many of us have owed thousands of dollars at different points in our lives, due to poor financial management, spotty employment histories, or failed entrepreneurial efforts.
I filed chapter 7, wiping the slate clean. In the time between having all those debts and having very few, I learned how to handle my money. It wasn’t exactly positive, not something I’d recommend to anyone, but certainly not something I’d warn against. When I decided to file, I realized that I had no other options. I was working 40 hours a week, making just enough to cover basic necessities, like food and housing. There was no extra money for creditors.
I moved out of my apartment, packing up my things and sneaking out. I had the means to hire movers – or rather, my mother did – so I didn’t have to try and move my things myself. A month after I moved out, I informed my ex that if he wanted to keep his credit in tact, he needed to get the car, or it would be repossessed.
My bankruptcy was discharged in February of 1998. In May of 1998, I was able to purchase a car. A co-worker of mine also filed that year, discharged in January of 1998. She just purchased a house a few months ago.
How can you avoid getting into this spot?
Aside from turning into Charles Schwab, I couldn’t tell you. I did make a few changes on my own, however, to maintain some sort of financial stability. When I go into a store, I allow time for browsing and putting things back. I’ve tried taking a list with me, and I’ve rarely been able to follow it. Having a specific amount of money available to spend helped. Carrying a calculator with me also helped.
Find a way to balance your checkbook. The standard balancing, knowing exactly how much is in there at every moment did not work well for me. I have developed another method that I can maintain. As a result, I’ve not had nearly as much difficulty managing my money.
Round up withdrawals, and round down deposits. If I write a check for $55.01, I round that up to $56.00. If I deposit a check worth $89.99, I round it down to $89. Early on, that provided a good cushion for me, while I tried to manage my money more effectively.
Before you have to go to the credit counselors, see about hiring an accountant to manage your money. Perhaps find an ADD coach instead, to help you understand how you handle your money.
Financial health is quite possible. It’s not easy, but it’s possible.
For more Orderly Chaos – Click the graphic at the top of the article, or click here!
________________________________________
Learn More About It
About Bankruptcy – From the American Bankruptcy Institute
Getting Control – Also from the American Bankruptcy Institute
A Personal Trainer for Your Brain – Feature article from ADD on About
IQ and Potential
Originally posted on Themestream
My report cards from school usually had comments like this:
“A smart girl, but doesn’t finish assignments.”
“Highly-intelligent, but disrupts class.”
“Reads well above grade level, but doesn’t work up to potential.”
My grades were pretty high through early elementary school. By junior high, my best quarter was one where I got straight C’s. The summer between my freshman and sophomore years in high school I spent learning how to diagram sentences. I nearly had to do the same after my senior year – same teacher.
Not all people with ADD have problems in school. There are a lot who actually do quite well in school, getting better and better with each passing year, even excelling in college.
I’m not one of those.
The scary thing is people with ADD tend to have higher-than-average IQs. Teachers generally know this. Many kids do work up to their potential, or at least closer to it. The ADDlet (child with ADD) generally does not. The hard thing for teachers and parents – and oftentimes the kids – to understand is why such an intelligent being can’t handle a spelling assignment or math test.
ADD has many behavioral patterns. The most familiar is ADD with Hyperactivity (also ADHD), the hyperactive boy, always in trouble, always fighting, always disrupting class, never staying “on-task (teacher-ese for not doing assigned work at the assigned time),” and doing poorly in school. It seems that girls who are diagnosed early generally exhibit these same behaviors. Easy to notice, easier to say there’s a problem.
Then there’s ADD without Hyperactivity, usually referred to as Inattentive. This is most often the daydreaming little girl, staring out the window in class, off in her own little world, hearing nothing going on in class, seeming to be trying so hard but not accomplishing much, and doing poorly in school. It seems that boys who are diagnosed later generally exhibit these same behaviors. Harder to pick out, harder to determine there’s a problem.
Some have a combination of the two, both hyperactivity and inattentiveness. This would be me. I would sit at my desk, disrupt class by fidgeting endlessly while staring out the window. Basically, I could bounce off the walls and leave the room at the same time.
School offers special challenges for ADDers. For those who have organizational issues, there are classes and assignments to track, homework to manage and math and English rules to follow. Behavioral issues, class rules to obey and social cues to learn and follow. Attention issues, reading assignments to finish and lectures to hear. It’s hard to read when the words on the page won’t hold still. It’s hard to hear when the birds outside the window are chirping.
How much lost potential is related solely to ADD, and how much to an antiquated educational system that benefits very few? Better question, since the educational system is unlikely to change significantly any time soon, how can these students survive or even excel in school?
Medication is one way. It’s not the only way, but it is one. Some children have had amazing turnarounds in their behavior after starting on Ritalin or Adderall. If medication is chosen, remember that skills still need to be learned. All the Ritalin in the world won’t teach good study habits.
Behavioral modifications are another way. Rewarding positive behaviors while punishing or ignoring negative behaviors can be quite effective particularly for a child who’s ADD doesn’t affect the behavior as strongly.
Diet can help some, but only if there are food allergies involved. Behavior may improve, the child may get a better night’s sleep and his grades may improve, but if it’s ADD, diet will not cure it, diet will not make it go away. Diet can make it more manageable, however, making it easier to use behavior modifications or medications, or both.
Some parents have elected to homeschool their children, providing them with one-on-one support. Kids do benefit from homeschooling, provided the parents have done their research. If my mother homeschooled me, I think I would have been miserable. That has more to do with the relationship between myself and my mother than anything else.
There are ways to make education useful and enjoyable for an ADD child. Many of the instructing methods best suited for an ADDlet would work well with most children, allowing them to learn how to learn instead of learn how to regurgitate answers on demand.
But that’s another story.
________________________________________
Learn More About It
One of the best resources on the net for ADD and education is the ADD on About site.
Teaching the ADD/ADHD Student – Links for instructors
Special Education and ADD/ADHD – Links for parents, including how to be an advocate for your child.
College and ADD/ADHD – Links for college students.
My report cards from school usually had comments like this:
“A smart girl, but doesn’t finish assignments.”
“Highly-intelligent, but disrupts class.”
“Reads well above grade level, but doesn’t work up to potential.”
My grades were pretty high through early elementary school. By junior high, my best quarter was one where I got straight C’s. The summer between my freshman and sophomore years in high school I spent learning how to diagram sentences. I nearly had to do the same after my senior year – same teacher.
Not all people with ADD have problems in school. There are a lot who actually do quite well in school, getting better and better with each passing year, even excelling in college.
I’m not one of those.
The scary thing is people with ADD tend to have higher-than-average IQs. Teachers generally know this. Many kids do work up to their potential, or at least closer to it. The ADDlet (child with ADD) generally does not. The hard thing for teachers and parents – and oftentimes the kids – to understand is why such an intelligent being can’t handle a spelling assignment or math test.
ADD has many behavioral patterns. The most familiar is ADD with Hyperactivity (also ADHD), the hyperactive boy, always in trouble, always fighting, always disrupting class, never staying “on-task (teacher-ese for not doing assigned work at the assigned time),” and doing poorly in school. It seems that girls who are diagnosed early generally exhibit these same behaviors. Easy to notice, easier to say there’s a problem.
Then there’s ADD without Hyperactivity, usually referred to as Inattentive. This is most often the daydreaming little girl, staring out the window in class, off in her own little world, hearing nothing going on in class, seeming to be trying so hard but not accomplishing much, and doing poorly in school. It seems that boys who are diagnosed later generally exhibit these same behaviors. Harder to pick out, harder to determine there’s a problem.
Some have a combination of the two, both hyperactivity and inattentiveness. This would be me. I would sit at my desk, disrupt class by fidgeting endlessly while staring out the window. Basically, I could bounce off the walls and leave the room at the same time.
School offers special challenges for ADDers. For those who have organizational issues, there are classes and assignments to track, homework to manage and math and English rules to follow. Behavioral issues, class rules to obey and social cues to learn and follow. Attention issues, reading assignments to finish and lectures to hear. It’s hard to read when the words on the page won’t hold still. It’s hard to hear when the birds outside the window are chirping.
How much lost potential is related solely to ADD, and how much to an antiquated educational system that benefits very few? Better question, since the educational system is unlikely to change significantly any time soon, how can these students survive or even excel in school?
Medication is one way. It’s not the only way, but it is one. Some children have had amazing turnarounds in their behavior after starting on Ritalin or Adderall. If medication is chosen, remember that skills still need to be learned. All the Ritalin in the world won’t teach good study habits.
Behavioral modifications are another way. Rewarding positive behaviors while punishing or ignoring negative behaviors can be quite effective particularly for a child who’s ADD doesn’t affect the behavior as strongly.
Diet can help some, but only if there are food allergies involved. Behavior may improve, the child may get a better night’s sleep and his grades may improve, but if it’s ADD, diet will not cure it, diet will not make it go away. Diet can make it more manageable, however, making it easier to use behavior modifications or medications, or both.
Some parents have elected to homeschool their children, providing them with one-on-one support. Kids do benefit from homeschooling, provided the parents have done their research. If my mother homeschooled me, I think I would have been miserable. That has more to do with the relationship between myself and my mother than anything else.
There are ways to make education useful and enjoyable for an ADD child. Many of the instructing methods best suited for an ADDlet would work well with most children, allowing them to learn how to learn instead of learn how to regurgitate answers on demand.
But that’s another story.
________________________________________
Learn More About It
One of the best resources on the net for ADD and education is the ADD on About site.
Teaching the ADD/ADHD Student – Links for instructors
Special Education and ADD/ADHD – Links for parents, including how to be an advocate for your child.
College and ADD/ADHD – Links for college students.
Paralysis of Will
Originally posted on Themestream
“Brain Lock”
“Emotional Paralysis”
“Mental Inertia”
“Paralysis of the Will”
People with ADD are not strangers to procrastination. There are numerous theories about why we procrastinate, why we put things off until the absolute last minute, mainly dealing with a need for excitement. What these theories don’t cover is if the problem is truly procrastination or paralysis.
Procrastination, as I understand it, is willfully delaying an action, being aware there is something that must be done, knowing the necessary steps, and choosing simply not to take them. Paralysis is the inability to take those steps.
I have procrastinated, certainly. All through college, I put homework assignments off until the absolute last minute because I knew they had to be done, but didn’t want to deal with it. I put off buying gas until the little gas light came on in my car, because I didn’t want to mess with it. Many utility and credit companies have made extra money from me because of late fees. These things happened not because I couldn’t perform the tasks, but because I chose not to.
My auto insurance company and phone company have also gotten extra money from me. Each overcharged me. I was aware of being overcharged, but I didn’t do anything about it. Not because I didn’t want to, but because I couldn’t.
Paralysis seems to hit at the worst possible times. I procrastinate on changing my nail polish color. I am paralyzed when it comes to paying my bills. It’s not a matter of not having the funds or the means, I just can’t.
Paralysis is the inability to act.
Kate Kelly and Peggy Ramundo touched on this paralysis in their book, You Mean I’m Not Lazy, Stupid or Crazy?
". . .failure to act at all-something like a paralysis of the will. The output function totally stops working. When this happens, the Adder may find himself in a frozen state, unable to take appropriate action. He may watch the softball whiz by as if he were a spectator instead of the player responsible for intercepting it. When it's time to answer someone's question, he may stand back feeling stupid, because he can't think of a response." (with thanks to Shef)
What brings this on?
Since there is a dearth of research on this paralysis, no one is quite sure as yet. Some feel it’s fear based. Certainly, someone being overwhelmed by life can become afraid, and freeze up. One person’s therapist noted that the symptoms were similar to those experienced by persons with PTSD, reinforcing the fear theory. For others, the fear comes after the paralysis. Perhaps it begins simply as procrastination, but gets put off so long, it becomes overwhelming, and then incapacitating. Still others see the neurological issue, a center in the brain that malfunctions. Until we know more, we can only guess how accurate each of these and other theories are.
How can you get over the paralysis?
I take medications for ADD, and they do help me in general. It does not, unfortunately, help me combat the paralysis. I’ve hired a coach to help me with my life in general. As many of us have been told, I didn’t think I had worked up to my potential, and I realized I needed assistance to do so. My coach and I meet weekly, via telephone, and we discuss the issues I have. This isn’t therapy, therapy handles the “why.” Coaching is more focused on the “how.”
For bills that must be paid, try online banking. Many allow users to create recurring payments for bills that are the same amount every time (rent, loans, etc.). Some companies offer electronic payments, activated either by a telephone call or an initial agreement with the company. If balancing a checkbook is a problem, many banks that offer online services include the option to download your statement into one of many financial management programs.
There are online reminder services that can send messages about changing the oil in the car, or getting to the little league game on time. The Watchminder, a large wristwatch, can be programmed to chime or vibrate at specific intervals, to help remind a person to do things.
Someone nagging me to do things does not help overcome this inertia. Having the benefits pointed out to me doesn’t work Being threatened with cancellation or disconnection or firing is not enough. Understanding that it isn’t unwillingness but inability, and finding someone else who also understands that and who provides support, does help. I can overcome the inertia with the right help.
I still get paralyzed, I still find myself unable to act. Knowing the problem is helping me find the solution.
________________________________________
Learn More About It
Paralysis of the Will – Discussion on the ADD forum at About.
You Mean I’m Not Lazy, Stupid or Crazy? – by Kate Kelly and Peggy Ramundo
“Brain Lock”
“Emotional Paralysis”
“Mental Inertia”
“Paralysis of the Will”
People with ADD are not strangers to procrastination. There are numerous theories about why we procrastinate, why we put things off until the absolute last minute, mainly dealing with a need for excitement. What these theories don’t cover is if the problem is truly procrastination or paralysis.
Procrastination, as I understand it, is willfully delaying an action, being aware there is something that must be done, knowing the necessary steps, and choosing simply not to take them. Paralysis is the inability to take those steps.
I have procrastinated, certainly. All through college, I put homework assignments off until the absolute last minute because I knew they had to be done, but didn’t want to deal with it. I put off buying gas until the little gas light came on in my car, because I didn’t want to mess with it. Many utility and credit companies have made extra money from me because of late fees. These things happened not because I couldn’t perform the tasks, but because I chose not to.
My auto insurance company and phone company have also gotten extra money from me. Each overcharged me. I was aware of being overcharged, but I didn’t do anything about it. Not because I didn’t want to, but because I couldn’t.
Paralysis seems to hit at the worst possible times. I procrastinate on changing my nail polish color. I am paralyzed when it comes to paying my bills. It’s not a matter of not having the funds or the means, I just can’t.
Paralysis is the inability to act.
Kate Kelly and Peggy Ramundo touched on this paralysis in their book, You Mean I’m Not Lazy, Stupid or Crazy?
". . .failure to act at all-something like a paralysis of the will. The output function totally stops working. When this happens, the Adder may find himself in a frozen state, unable to take appropriate action. He may watch the softball whiz by as if he were a spectator instead of the player responsible for intercepting it. When it's time to answer someone's question, he may stand back feeling stupid, because he can't think of a response." (with thanks to Shef)
What brings this on?
Since there is a dearth of research on this paralysis, no one is quite sure as yet. Some feel it’s fear based. Certainly, someone being overwhelmed by life can become afraid, and freeze up. One person’s therapist noted that the symptoms were similar to those experienced by persons with PTSD, reinforcing the fear theory. For others, the fear comes after the paralysis. Perhaps it begins simply as procrastination, but gets put off so long, it becomes overwhelming, and then incapacitating. Still others see the neurological issue, a center in the brain that malfunctions. Until we know more, we can only guess how accurate each of these and other theories are.
How can you get over the paralysis?
I take medications for ADD, and they do help me in general. It does not, unfortunately, help me combat the paralysis. I’ve hired a coach to help me with my life in general. As many of us have been told, I didn’t think I had worked up to my potential, and I realized I needed assistance to do so. My coach and I meet weekly, via telephone, and we discuss the issues I have. This isn’t therapy, therapy handles the “why.” Coaching is more focused on the “how.”
For bills that must be paid, try online banking. Many allow users to create recurring payments for bills that are the same amount every time (rent, loans, etc.). Some companies offer electronic payments, activated either by a telephone call or an initial agreement with the company. If balancing a checkbook is a problem, many banks that offer online services include the option to download your statement into one of many financial management programs.
There are online reminder services that can send messages about changing the oil in the car, or getting to the little league game on time. The Watchminder, a large wristwatch, can be programmed to chime or vibrate at specific intervals, to help remind a person to do things.
Someone nagging me to do things does not help overcome this inertia. Having the benefits pointed out to me doesn’t work Being threatened with cancellation or disconnection or firing is not enough. Understanding that it isn’t unwillingness but inability, and finding someone else who also understands that and who provides support, does help. I can overcome the inertia with the right help.
I still get paralyzed, I still find myself unable to act. Knowing the problem is helping me find the solution.
________________________________________
Learn More About It
Paralysis of the Will – Discussion on the ADD forum at About.
You Mean I’m Not Lazy, Stupid or Crazy? – by Kate Kelly and Peggy Ramundo
Scientology, IDEA and ADD
Originally posted on Themestream
On September 29, 2000 – a Friday, typically left open for congress members to go home and see their families, and the first day of the Jewish High holy days – a hearing was held in Washington D.C. Rep. Bob Shaffer (Colorado - R) has made it his goal to have the Department of Education disbanded, citing wastes and fraud, among other reasons. This hearing in particular discussed the use of money as outlined in the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act, in relation to Attention Deficit (Hyperactivity) Disorder.
Testimony against Ritalin use was provided by: Dr. Peter Breggin – founder of the Center of the Study of Psychiatry and Psychology and vocal opponent to the very existence of ADD; Patti Johnson – member of the Board of Education for the state of Colorado and vocal opponent to the existence of ADD; Dr. Fred Baughman – neurologist and vocal opponent to the existence of ADD; and Patricia Weathers – concerned parent whose son experienced growth and emotional problems while on Ritalin for ADD. For the other side, there was Dr. David Fassler, chairman of the Psychiatric Association’s Council on Children and supporter of the existence and treatment of properly-diagnosed ADD.
What disturbed me most about these hearings wasn’t the lack of opposing testimony (Dr. David Fassler supporting the existence of ADD on his own). It was the strength of conviction of Breggin, Baughman and Johnson that they were wholly and completely right, and that there was no room whatsoever for dissenting opinion.
From what I could tell, these people consider ADD to be the excuse of bad parents and lazy teachers, an opportunity for dishonest school administrators to get more money for their schools, and a chance for psychiatrists to flourish. Dr. Fassler presented documentation to Dr. Breggin demonstrating the genetic links of ADD. Dr. Breggin discounted the study, saying it had been published online and therefore lacked credibility. Dr. Fassler then presented a document from the Journal of the American Medical Association showing brain scans of ADD to Dr. Baughman. Dr. Baughman discounted the information saying the brains scanned were medicated, so of course they were different. Neither man actually read the documentation offered.
Rep. Schaffer seemed almost to enjoy the anti-ADD testimony presented. Breggin and Baughman offered their alphabet soup of credentials, Patti Johnson her standing as a member of the Colorado Board of Education. I understand the positions of Breggin, Baughman and Johnson, inasmuch as they don’t believe ADD exists, and that those who medicate are little more than drug addicts and their prescribing physicians drug pushers. That was clear to me. Disturbing, but clear.
What I didn’t understand was why they were there, why were their testimonies were needed to discredit the Department of Education.
I’m not going to pretend to be objective. ADD exists. Knowledge and valid information helps the diagnosed understand what is happening in their heads, and how they can deal with it – medications, behavior modifications, alternative therapies, or a combination. There is a genetic link between ADD children and their parents, directly or somewhere in the family tree.
It’s disturbing to learn there are those who truly believe it’s a matter of will, of desire, of challenging a child, or of discipline. If it were that simple, then these people would be right, there would be no ADD, and no need for medication, or accommodations, or understanding.
It’s not an excuse. I have negative behaviors that I know are related to ADD, but I also know that I am the one ultimately responsible for my actions and their repercussions. Excused for my ADD? No. Provided assistance when requested for it? Yes. Sometimes that includes medication. Sometimes that means more time for taking a test, or a quiet workspace, or a personal tutor.
These aren’t things that make life easier for people with ADD than for others, these are things that allow us to perform on an equal footing. It’s the difference between glasses and contact lenses – one is absolutely necessary for some to get through life, the other is mainly cosmetic (I am aware there are those who HAVE to wear contact lenses to see).
Shaffer made comments throughout the hearing. They rarely had much to do with whatever testimony had been offered. He used the time to campaign, turning the entire issue into a partisan statement. The Democrats are responsible for the current state of the Department of Education, falling test scores, under-funded schools, and over-prescribing Ritalin. I’m not sure how he came to that conclusion, but he seemed to be quite convinced.
His argument was that there are teachers and administrators who are forcing parents to not only get their children diagnosed but medicated, threatening to not allow the children back in school until they’re on Ritalin. Shaffer went on to say that the IDEA is responsible for this behavior, that without that funding, the school administrators wouldn’t feel pressured to have children diagnosed with ADD, clearly a non-existent disorder, so that they could get additional federal funding.
This is a fight, folks, and it’s just beginning. It’s already spread to Pennsylvania. These people do make some good points. Smaller class sizes and better teacher training could eliminate a lot of the behavior and learning problems we’re seeing in schools today. Allowing teachers to have more freedom in the classroom would help, rather than tying their hands and turning them into little more than babysitters, keeping the tykes out of the house for a while. Problems could indeed be reduced, and perhaps prescriptions for children could be reduced. Scores could go up, absenteeism could go down, and children will have the type of education they deserve.
It still wouldn’t eliminate ADD.
________________________________________
Learn More About It: The Anti-ADD side
Breggin Testimony – Testimony submitted by Dr. Peter Breggin
Citizens Commission on Human Rights (CCHR) – Scientology organization, anti-psychiatry
Educational “Disorders” Fraud – by Dr. Fred Baughman. On the CCHR website
Colorado School Board’s Ritalin Resolution – From Phyllis Shlafly’s Education Reporter on the Eagle Forum. Inspiration for the ADD/ADHD People’s Resolution
Rep. Bob Shaffer’s stance on Education – Rep. Shaffer’s ideas of how to fix the Education problems in America
On September 29, 2000 – a Friday, typically left open for congress members to go home and see their families, and the first day of the Jewish High holy days – a hearing was held in Washington D.C. Rep. Bob Shaffer (Colorado - R) has made it his goal to have the Department of Education disbanded, citing wastes and fraud, among other reasons. This hearing in particular discussed the use of money as outlined in the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act, in relation to Attention Deficit (Hyperactivity) Disorder.
Testimony against Ritalin use was provided by: Dr. Peter Breggin – founder of the Center of the Study of Psychiatry and Psychology and vocal opponent to the very existence of ADD; Patti Johnson – member of the Board of Education for the state of Colorado and vocal opponent to the existence of ADD; Dr. Fred Baughman – neurologist and vocal opponent to the existence of ADD; and Patricia Weathers – concerned parent whose son experienced growth and emotional problems while on Ritalin for ADD. For the other side, there was Dr. David Fassler, chairman of the Psychiatric Association’s Council on Children and supporter of the existence and treatment of properly-diagnosed ADD.
What disturbed me most about these hearings wasn’t the lack of opposing testimony (Dr. David Fassler supporting the existence of ADD on his own). It was the strength of conviction of Breggin, Baughman and Johnson that they were wholly and completely right, and that there was no room whatsoever for dissenting opinion.
From what I could tell, these people consider ADD to be the excuse of bad parents and lazy teachers, an opportunity for dishonest school administrators to get more money for their schools, and a chance for psychiatrists to flourish. Dr. Fassler presented documentation to Dr. Breggin demonstrating the genetic links of ADD. Dr. Breggin discounted the study, saying it had been published online and therefore lacked credibility. Dr. Fassler then presented a document from the Journal of the American Medical Association showing brain scans of ADD to Dr. Baughman. Dr. Baughman discounted the information saying the brains scanned were medicated, so of course they were different. Neither man actually read the documentation offered.
Rep. Schaffer seemed almost to enjoy the anti-ADD testimony presented. Breggin and Baughman offered their alphabet soup of credentials, Patti Johnson her standing as a member of the Colorado Board of Education. I understand the positions of Breggin, Baughman and Johnson, inasmuch as they don’t believe ADD exists, and that those who medicate are little more than drug addicts and their prescribing physicians drug pushers. That was clear to me. Disturbing, but clear.
What I didn’t understand was why they were there, why were their testimonies were needed to discredit the Department of Education.
I’m not going to pretend to be objective. ADD exists. Knowledge and valid information helps the diagnosed understand what is happening in their heads, and how they can deal with it – medications, behavior modifications, alternative therapies, or a combination. There is a genetic link between ADD children and their parents, directly or somewhere in the family tree.
It’s disturbing to learn there are those who truly believe it’s a matter of will, of desire, of challenging a child, or of discipline. If it were that simple, then these people would be right, there would be no ADD, and no need for medication, or accommodations, or understanding.
It’s not an excuse. I have negative behaviors that I know are related to ADD, but I also know that I am the one ultimately responsible for my actions and their repercussions. Excused for my ADD? No. Provided assistance when requested for it? Yes. Sometimes that includes medication. Sometimes that means more time for taking a test, or a quiet workspace, or a personal tutor.
These aren’t things that make life easier for people with ADD than for others, these are things that allow us to perform on an equal footing. It’s the difference between glasses and contact lenses – one is absolutely necessary for some to get through life, the other is mainly cosmetic (I am aware there are those who HAVE to wear contact lenses to see).
Shaffer made comments throughout the hearing. They rarely had much to do with whatever testimony had been offered. He used the time to campaign, turning the entire issue into a partisan statement. The Democrats are responsible for the current state of the Department of Education, falling test scores, under-funded schools, and over-prescribing Ritalin. I’m not sure how he came to that conclusion, but he seemed to be quite convinced.
His argument was that there are teachers and administrators who are forcing parents to not only get their children diagnosed but medicated, threatening to not allow the children back in school until they’re on Ritalin. Shaffer went on to say that the IDEA is responsible for this behavior, that without that funding, the school administrators wouldn’t feel pressured to have children diagnosed with ADD, clearly a non-existent disorder, so that they could get additional federal funding.
This is a fight, folks, and it’s just beginning. It’s already spread to Pennsylvania. These people do make some good points. Smaller class sizes and better teacher training could eliminate a lot of the behavior and learning problems we’re seeing in schools today. Allowing teachers to have more freedom in the classroom would help, rather than tying their hands and turning them into little more than babysitters, keeping the tykes out of the house for a while. Problems could indeed be reduced, and perhaps prescriptions for children could be reduced. Scores could go up, absenteeism could go down, and children will have the type of education they deserve.
It still wouldn’t eliminate ADD.
________________________________________
Learn More About It: The Anti-ADD side
Breggin Testimony – Testimony submitted by Dr. Peter Breggin
Citizens Commission on Human Rights (CCHR) – Scientology organization, anti-psychiatry
Educational “Disorders” Fraud – by Dr. Fred Baughman. On the CCHR website
Colorado School Board’s Ritalin Resolution – From Phyllis Shlafly’s Education Reporter on the Eagle Forum. Inspiration for the ADD/ADHD People’s Resolution
Rep. Bob Shaffer’s stance on Education – Rep. Shaffer’s ideas of how to fix the Education problems in America
Staying in the Messy Closet
Originally posted on Themestream
I take Adderall twice a day to help me manage the side-effects of ADD. I made that choice after about a year of deliberation, trying to go it alone, unmedicated.
Not everyone who has ADD requires, or desires, medication. For me, it was the right choice. Once I began taking Adderall, I noticed a lot of differences in my life. I found I was able to stay on-task longer at work, able to follow conversations, to read passages and retain the information, and to remember something someone told me.
I also noticed I was afraid to say anything to anyone about having ADD.
My employer does not know I’ve been diagnosed with ADD. My co-workers don’t know. My FAMILY doesn’t know. A couple of friends know, and those I’ve met online, and later in person, know. Otherwise, people who know me personally do not know I’ve been diagnosed with ADD, nor do they know I take medication for it.
Why not?
I wear contact lenses because my vision is poor. I don’t strike up a conversation telling anyone I wear contact lenses, or explaining how hard it is to see without my glasses or contacts. My vision can be corrected enough so that I don’t need to ask for accommodations to perform my job.
The difference, however, is stigma.
Through high school, I wore my glasses only when absolutely necessary. People thought I was rude when I didn’t wave or smile back at them. They didn’t realize it was because I couldn’t see them. I refused to acknowledge that my vision required correction. I finally outgrew that my senior year, when my vision got even worse. Just the same, I refused to acknowledge there was a problem. There is a stigma to wearing glasses, or even contact lenses. Think about the type of person you envision when you consider someone wearing glasses. Not exactly supermodel material, huh? The brainy kid, the nerd, the loser, the doofus, the kid who couldn’t get a date, the wimp, et cetera.
People can, however, accept that some folks require glasses or contact lenses to function in the world. It’s acceptable to say, “My vision isn’t as good as others’, but that doesn’t make me less of a person.”
Being diagnosed with ADD has a much greater stigma.
There are plenty of people out there who don’t even believe in ADD, much less who are willing to accept it. Not just lay people, mind you, but physicians, scientists, politicians, therapists, teachers, parents, employers, and others whose decisions directly affect our lives.
The physician who doesn’t believe will put an ADD woman on an anti-depressant or hormone therapy or an anti-anxiety drug. It may help, it may not. Often, it will not be enough. The parent who doesn’t believe will give up on their child, or beat him senseless, or convince her she’s useless anyway so don’t worry her pretty little head. The politician who doesn’t believe will lobby to have tougher restrictions on medications and their distribution. The teacher who doesn’t believe will write off a child as a behavior problem and maybe pass her to get her out of the class, or send him to detention frequently. These people need to understand that ADD exists, and that there are different ways to handle it.
So I should just come out and say, “I’m ADD and I’m proud!” Right?
Well, maybe not. Federal laws have been put in place to keep employers from firing people due to race, religion, gender or disability. Some employers feel pretty bitter about it, and may tell their other employees that so-and-so got his promotion because he’s Black. Makes for a very uncomfortable working environment. Some employers may try to find any other reason to get rid of someone, and fire her because she’s always late, even if she’s late no more often than anyone else, or by any greater amount of time. In my current position, I think the risk of either of these scenarios is pretty low.
I don’t tell because of future positions.
We don’t know what records follow us. The stigma of ADD following a person from job to job can make it hard to get hired in the first place. Or, if an ADD person is hired, perhaps the employer feels she’s done her good deed for the day. She might even decide to be more helpful and take it upon herself to remind her employee to take his medication or follow his behavioral plan. Pretty annoying to be treated like an errant child.
All employers aren’t like that. If you require accommodations to effectively perform your job, then by all means, tell your employer! They need to know.
The sad thing is that I don’t feel comfortable telling my employer, or anyone else, that I was diagnosed with ADD, or that I take medication to help me manage it. Information is the cure for ignorance, and I’m withholding. I’m not yet comfortable enough with myself, and with my ADD, to announce it to the world. What about you? Brave enough to speak out?
If so, I hope to join you shortly.
________________________________________
Learn More About It
ADD at About – The premier Attention Deficit Disorder site on the ‘net!
ADDitude Magazine – The Happy Healthy Lifestyle Magazine for People With ADD
No Panic. No Shame. Just Doing a Job – Article from the NY Times. Membership (free) required to access.
I take Adderall twice a day to help me manage the side-effects of ADD. I made that choice after about a year of deliberation, trying to go it alone, unmedicated.
Not everyone who has ADD requires, or desires, medication. For me, it was the right choice. Once I began taking Adderall, I noticed a lot of differences in my life. I found I was able to stay on-task longer at work, able to follow conversations, to read passages and retain the information, and to remember something someone told me.
I also noticed I was afraid to say anything to anyone about having ADD.
My employer does not know I’ve been diagnosed with ADD. My co-workers don’t know. My FAMILY doesn’t know. A couple of friends know, and those I’ve met online, and later in person, know. Otherwise, people who know me personally do not know I’ve been diagnosed with ADD, nor do they know I take medication for it.
Why not?
I wear contact lenses because my vision is poor. I don’t strike up a conversation telling anyone I wear contact lenses, or explaining how hard it is to see without my glasses or contacts. My vision can be corrected enough so that I don’t need to ask for accommodations to perform my job.
The difference, however, is stigma.
Through high school, I wore my glasses only when absolutely necessary. People thought I was rude when I didn’t wave or smile back at them. They didn’t realize it was because I couldn’t see them. I refused to acknowledge that my vision required correction. I finally outgrew that my senior year, when my vision got even worse. Just the same, I refused to acknowledge there was a problem. There is a stigma to wearing glasses, or even contact lenses. Think about the type of person you envision when you consider someone wearing glasses. Not exactly supermodel material, huh? The brainy kid, the nerd, the loser, the doofus, the kid who couldn’t get a date, the wimp, et cetera.
People can, however, accept that some folks require glasses or contact lenses to function in the world. It’s acceptable to say, “My vision isn’t as good as others’, but that doesn’t make me less of a person.”
Being diagnosed with ADD has a much greater stigma.
There are plenty of people out there who don’t even believe in ADD, much less who are willing to accept it. Not just lay people, mind you, but physicians, scientists, politicians, therapists, teachers, parents, employers, and others whose decisions directly affect our lives.
The physician who doesn’t believe will put an ADD woman on an anti-depressant or hormone therapy or an anti-anxiety drug. It may help, it may not. Often, it will not be enough. The parent who doesn’t believe will give up on their child, or beat him senseless, or convince her she’s useless anyway so don’t worry her pretty little head. The politician who doesn’t believe will lobby to have tougher restrictions on medications and their distribution. The teacher who doesn’t believe will write off a child as a behavior problem and maybe pass her to get her out of the class, or send him to detention frequently. These people need to understand that ADD exists, and that there are different ways to handle it.
So I should just come out and say, “I’m ADD and I’m proud!” Right?
Well, maybe not. Federal laws have been put in place to keep employers from firing people due to race, religion, gender or disability. Some employers feel pretty bitter about it, and may tell their other employees that so-and-so got his promotion because he’s Black. Makes for a very uncomfortable working environment. Some employers may try to find any other reason to get rid of someone, and fire her because she’s always late, even if she’s late no more often than anyone else, or by any greater amount of time. In my current position, I think the risk of either of these scenarios is pretty low.
I don’t tell because of future positions.
We don’t know what records follow us. The stigma of ADD following a person from job to job can make it hard to get hired in the first place. Or, if an ADD person is hired, perhaps the employer feels she’s done her good deed for the day. She might even decide to be more helpful and take it upon herself to remind her employee to take his medication or follow his behavioral plan. Pretty annoying to be treated like an errant child.
All employers aren’t like that. If you require accommodations to effectively perform your job, then by all means, tell your employer! They need to know.
The sad thing is that I don’t feel comfortable telling my employer, or anyone else, that I was diagnosed with ADD, or that I take medication to help me manage it. Information is the cure for ignorance, and I’m withholding. I’m not yet comfortable enough with myself, and with my ADD, to announce it to the world. What about you? Brave enough to speak out?
If so, I hope to join you shortly.
________________________________________
Learn More About It
ADD at About – The premier Attention Deficit Disorder site on the ‘net!
ADDitude Magazine – The Happy Healthy Lifestyle Magazine for People With ADD
No Panic. No Shame. Just Doing a Job – Article from the NY Times. Membership (free) required to access.
To Have ADD
Originally posted on Themestream
Available now: The ADD Simulator!
Now you, too, can explore the world through the eyes of a "space cadet!" Bounce off the walls with "Tiggerish" energy! Leave the room without going anywhere! Reach new levels of disorganization! Lose all your worldly possessions in less than Five Minutes! This could all be yours!
Okay, so there isn’t an ADD simulator. And everyone has their days when they could appear to be ADD. There is a line, though, where it isn’t just that day, it’s every day. So how can you tell? If you’re really concerned, see a doctor. If you’re just curious, perhaps the following examples will help.
Ever walk into a room and do something socially inappropriate? Were you aware it was considered inappropriate? People with ADD may make those same social blunders and not realize it. We may not pick up on the cues that indicate inappropriate behavior, that tell others they've said too much, or done something they shouldn't have.
Difficulty reading social cues can have far-reaching consequences. Friendships are lost, relationships destroyed, all because the subtleties of social interaction are missed.
Imagine you've had a lot of things to think about lately, that your kids aren't doing well in school, your bank account won't balance, your parents are unwell and need more care than they are getting, your car is on its last legs and your house needs a new roof. With all of these concerns in your life, you may find yourself trying to sleep, and only able to think about all the things going on in your life. You can't shut off your brain.
I have to deal with that active brain nearly every night. It takes me at least an hour to fall asleep. Doesn't matter what time I woke up that day, or what time I try to go to sleep. Even when I have very few major concerns in my life, my brain flies at night. Warm milk, reading, meditation, a hot bath, none of these things work for me -- not even sleeping pills.
When I can't get my brain to shut off, I will have a Coke, or even take a caffeine pill. Sounds weird, I know, but it's the most effective thing I've found.
Now, this attention thing… ADD isn't really a deficit of attention, it's more like a misappropriation. In my instance, I'm considered primarily inattentive. I still fidget from time to time, but I'm more likely to mentally leave the room. Anyone can mentally leave the room when they're bored, that does not define ADD.
Anyone can find themselves daydreaming when they’re bored. It happens to me even when I'm deeply interested.
I’m more likely to “zone” when I'm very interested. It's not daydreaming. Daydreaming involves fantasy. I hear or read something that makes me think, and that leads my mind off on a tangent, further exploring the subject. Before I know it, I've lost track of the class/conversation/book/whatever.
ADD isn’t all bad. My personality was formed by the interactions I had with other people. Those interactions were colored by my ADD. I wouldn’t change my personality for anything. These are just some of the negatives of ADD, from my perspective. It's not a complete picture of myself by any stretch.
Only one woman's story.
________________________________________
Learn more about it!
"You Mean I'm not Lazy, Stupid or Crazy?" by K. Kelly & P. Ramundo
ADD on About hosted by Bob Seay
Balance Check's ADD Homepage
Available now: The ADD Simulator!
Now you, too, can explore the world through the eyes of a "space cadet!" Bounce off the walls with "Tiggerish" energy! Leave the room without going anywhere! Reach new levels of disorganization! Lose all your worldly possessions in less than Five Minutes! This could all be yours!
Okay, so there isn’t an ADD simulator. And everyone has their days when they could appear to be ADD. There is a line, though, where it isn’t just that day, it’s every day. So how can you tell? If you’re really concerned, see a doctor. If you’re just curious, perhaps the following examples will help.
Ever walk into a room and do something socially inappropriate? Were you aware it was considered inappropriate? People with ADD may make those same social blunders and not realize it. We may not pick up on the cues that indicate inappropriate behavior, that tell others they've said too much, or done something they shouldn't have.
Difficulty reading social cues can have far-reaching consequences. Friendships are lost, relationships destroyed, all because the subtleties of social interaction are missed.
Imagine you've had a lot of things to think about lately, that your kids aren't doing well in school, your bank account won't balance, your parents are unwell and need more care than they are getting, your car is on its last legs and your house needs a new roof. With all of these concerns in your life, you may find yourself trying to sleep, and only able to think about all the things going on in your life. You can't shut off your brain.
I have to deal with that active brain nearly every night. It takes me at least an hour to fall asleep. Doesn't matter what time I woke up that day, or what time I try to go to sleep. Even when I have very few major concerns in my life, my brain flies at night. Warm milk, reading, meditation, a hot bath, none of these things work for me -- not even sleeping pills.
When I can't get my brain to shut off, I will have a Coke, or even take a caffeine pill. Sounds weird, I know, but it's the most effective thing I've found.
Now, this attention thing… ADD isn't really a deficit of attention, it's more like a misappropriation. In my instance, I'm considered primarily inattentive. I still fidget from time to time, but I'm more likely to mentally leave the room. Anyone can mentally leave the room when they're bored, that does not define ADD.
Anyone can find themselves daydreaming when they’re bored. It happens to me even when I'm deeply interested.
I’m more likely to “zone” when I'm very interested. It's not daydreaming. Daydreaming involves fantasy. I hear or read something that makes me think, and that leads my mind off on a tangent, further exploring the subject. Before I know it, I've lost track of the class/conversation/book/whatever.
ADD isn’t all bad. My personality was formed by the interactions I had with other people. Those interactions were colored by my ADD. I wouldn’t change my personality for anything. These are just some of the negatives of ADD, from my perspective. It's not a complete picture of myself by any stretch.
Only one woman's story.
________________________________________
Learn more about it!
"You Mean I'm not Lazy, Stupid or Crazy?" by K. Kelly & P. Ramundo
ADD on About hosted by Bob Seay
Balance Check's ADD Homepage
Vacation from ADD
Originally posted on Themestream
Ever try to race an Olympic swimmer?
Performing a job or an everyday task can seem like that to a person who has ADD. Many have found ways to work with these issues. Some take medications, some use behavior modifications, some have tried diet, and some have tried different jobs. Granted, all people have issues with time, or preparation, or just stress in general. For the ADDult, however, these can be daily problems.
It’s actually pretty exhausting to spend your day trying to keep up with everyone else.
What about a day off? We get days off from work. Sometimes, we’ll take vacations and go somewhere, or maybe just stay around the house and clean or do yardwork. How would you take a day off from ADD?
Taking a day off from ADD doesn’t necessarily mean to take a day off from missing appointments or burning meals or misplacing your glasses. If it were that simple, ADD wouldn’t exist, and it really would be nothing more than an excuse.
A vacation from ADD is a vacation from “hafta do.”
My vacation from ADD can take many forms. I may just drive around, pick a road and go until I get bored. I’ve traveled over 600 miles in a day doing just that. No plan, no schedule, only worrying about when I’ll be back, and having enough money to buy gas and food.
Or I might take time out to go to a convention. For the past couple years, I’ve attended the ADDA conventions. It’s actually very therapeutic for me. Not only was I able to learn more about ADD -- about advances in treatment, learn where to find resources to help me get through this life – but I was able to meet others who understand, who have some idea what it’s like to live in this world with a difference like ADD. I’ve met some of my best friends at those conventions.
Sometimes, I’ll take a real vacation. I recently returned from a trip to Colorado, visiting friends. No meds, no deadlines, no organization, no plans. All we did was fly by the seat of our pants. Very relaxing.
I don’t necessarily have to go anywhere to have a vacation from ADD. On slow days at work, when I don’t have anything I have to do, I will skip my afternoon meds, and just let myself be myself. There is a significant difference in my productivity when unmedicated. But it is good to go through a regular day without medication, without special planning, and without compensating for my weaknesses.
Before I switch into vacation mode, I have to determine that I have sufficient funds to cover what I want to do. If I’m leaving town, I need to make sure I have a way back, and that I will be back in sufficient time to do whatever it is I have to do, such as get back to work. Sometimes, I even like to know where I’m going, although that’s not essential.
Once I finish my planning, I’m off.
Many people with ADD have a poor sense of time…as in non-existent. Five minutes and five days can actually seem like the same to me. Trying to keep track of a schedule, particularly a tight schedule, is very stressful. If I don’t have to be somewhere at a certain time, I feel less stressed. On vacation, my only time obligations may be to get to the airport before my flight or leave early enough to drive home.
Planning is another weakness. My Saturdays on the road have an amazing lack of planning. The most planning I do is driving within a certain distance, depending on the time of day I start. I don’t have to be in a certain place to do something, I will get there when I get there. It relates to the time thing, actually.
Again, not everyone treats their ADD with medication, nor is it a requirement for treatment. But all ADDults may feel a need to take a vacation from ADD. Everyone has different things in their lives they’d like to escape.
A vacation from ADD isn’t a vacation from the symptoms. There is no such thing. A vacation is time for yourself, to be yourself.
________________________________________
Learn More About it
CHADD – Children and Adults With Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder – Convention: November 1 – 4, 2000 Chicago, IL
Life Skills for ADD – From About.com. A listing of links for Life skills.
Ever try to race an Olympic swimmer?
Performing a job or an everyday task can seem like that to a person who has ADD. Many have found ways to work with these issues. Some take medications, some use behavior modifications, some have tried diet, and some have tried different jobs. Granted, all people have issues with time, or preparation, or just stress in general. For the ADDult, however, these can be daily problems.
It’s actually pretty exhausting to spend your day trying to keep up with everyone else.
What about a day off? We get days off from work. Sometimes, we’ll take vacations and go somewhere, or maybe just stay around the house and clean or do yardwork. How would you take a day off from ADD?
Taking a day off from ADD doesn’t necessarily mean to take a day off from missing appointments or burning meals or misplacing your glasses. If it were that simple, ADD wouldn’t exist, and it really would be nothing more than an excuse.
A vacation from ADD is a vacation from “hafta do.”
My vacation from ADD can take many forms. I may just drive around, pick a road and go until I get bored. I’ve traveled over 600 miles in a day doing just that. No plan, no schedule, only worrying about when I’ll be back, and having enough money to buy gas and food.
Or I might take time out to go to a convention. For the past couple years, I’ve attended the ADDA conventions. It’s actually very therapeutic for me. Not only was I able to learn more about ADD -- about advances in treatment, learn where to find resources to help me get through this life – but I was able to meet others who understand, who have some idea what it’s like to live in this world with a difference like ADD. I’ve met some of my best friends at those conventions.
Sometimes, I’ll take a real vacation. I recently returned from a trip to Colorado, visiting friends. No meds, no deadlines, no organization, no plans. All we did was fly by the seat of our pants. Very relaxing.
I don’t necessarily have to go anywhere to have a vacation from ADD. On slow days at work, when I don’t have anything I have to do, I will skip my afternoon meds, and just let myself be myself. There is a significant difference in my productivity when unmedicated. But it is good to go through a regular day without medication, without special planning, and without compensating for my weaknesses.
Before I switch into vacation mode, I have to determine that I have sufficient funds to cover what I want to do. If I’m leaving town, I need to make sure I have a way back, and that I will be back in sufficient time to do whatever it is I have to do, such as get back to work. Sometimes, I even like to know where I’m going, although that’s not essential.
Once I finish my planning, I’m off.
Many people with ADD have a poor sense of time…as in non-existent. Five minutes and five days can actually seem like the same to me. Trying to keep track of a schedule, particularly a tight schedule, is very stressful. If I don’t have to be somewhere at a certain time, I feel less stressed. On vacation, my only time obligations may be to get to the airport before my flight or leave early enough to drive home.
Planning is another weakness. My Saturdays on the road have an amazing lack of planning. The most planning I do is driving within a certain distance, depending on the time of day I start. I don’t have to be in a certain place to do something, I will get there when I get there. It relates to the time thing, actually.
Again, not everyone treats their ADD with medication, nor is it a requirement for treatment. But all ADDults may feel a need to take a vacation from ADD. Everyone has different things in their lives they’d like to escape.
A vacation from ADD isn’t a vacation from the symptoms. There is no such thing. A vacation is time for yourself, to be yourself.
________________________________________
Learn More About it
CHADD – Children and Adults With Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder – Convention: November 1 – 4, 2000 Chicago, IL
Life Skills for ADD – From About.com. A listing of links for Life skills.
What Is ADD?
So what the heck does that mean, ADD?
What does ADD mean? The acronym stands for Attention Deficit Disorder. Basically, it’s considered some sort of defect in the brain, creating a hyper-active boy who is incapable of learning in a typical classroom setting, and is pretty much a powder keg, waiting to go off. The ADD boy is disruptive and socially incompetent, therefore he makes few friends. With medication, forced on hyperactive children because their parents, teachers and doctors don’t want to take the time to really help them, these children are flat-out dangerous to themselves and others. Since it’s an amphetamine, Ritalin is highly-addictive, and by providing these drugs, we are creating a new prison class, groups of people who were raised on this addictive substance and will, naturally, go on to have problems with alcohol and drugs, eventually leading them to a life of crime to support their habit. They’ll reproduce and their children will wind up in the “system” and continue the cycle, hence giving us our increase in overall mayhem.
All those who believe this, or some variant thereof, to be true, please stay. Those who believe this to be nothing but lies, efforts by some other major concerns to discredit ADD, the doctors, the patients, the pharmaceutical companies, et cetera, well, you can stay, too, but I have nothing really to teach you.
All those in the first group, I hate to say this, but that is WRONG! Obviously, if you’re interested in information, stick around. If you’re more interested in maintaining your extremely narrow views of the world (defined as an unwillingness to learn new information), well, fine, leave. I won’t stop you. Not here, anyway. Don’t forget, though, we can win this one, and we will.
So what about this drug thing? A child accurately diagnosed will actually likely forget to take their meds, not be addicted. ADD continues into adulthood in a majority of the cases, and many folks don’t find out until they’re adults. The hardest part of diagnosis in adults is history. We have one. I was 28 when I was officially diagnosed. I don’t have teacher testimony handy, but I have a history of detentions, particularly in junior high school. I don’t have report cards showing comments such as “Not working up to potential” but I have memories of teachers being extremely frustrated with me, having to give me A’s and B’s on my tests, and nearly failing me in the class because I didn’t do homework. I don’t have a diagnosis from childhood, a history of hyperactivity, but I do have a history of disruptiveness in class, and not even beginning major assignments until at least 48 hours before they’re due.
I am what’s termed ADD mixed, basically meaning I have both hyperactive and inattentive qualities. I can bounce off the walls and leave the room at the same time, is what that means. I wasn’t the quiet little girl in the back of the room, not paying attention to the teacher, not knowing what just happened in class. I was the one challenging the teachers, creating situations they’d rather not have, talking to the other students, and still able to figure out what they were talking about. They pretty much hated me for that. I could talk above them, too. It was pretty cool at times, pretty frustrating at others.
Was life hard? Sure. Find me a kid who didn’t have trouble with their lives. It’s all relative, after all. Would I change my life? Well, no, actually, I wouldn’t. First off, I don’t believe I’m disordered. I have a brain chemistry that more readily allows me to think outside of “the box.” I have trouble reading sometimes, the words just don’t stick, but that doesn’t happen all that often, not often enough to make life miserable. Second, I would be a different person if I had a different childhood, and I happen to like who I’ve become, and who I could one day be.
I’m perfectly fine with being an ADDult. I consider myself to be ADD, rather than have ADD. It’s a simple matter of syntax, but for me, it makes a difference. ADD is not a disorder, as far as I’m concerned. It’s a differene. There’s no deficit in attention, you’d be amazed how well we can hyper-focus on things. Attention is merely diverted. I can see what’s going on two cars ahead, two behind, read the billboard I just passed and judge how far from the lines I am, all while driving at about, oh, 80 mph.
What is ADD, really? It’s not something I can explain. You either get it, or you don’t. Just know this: It’s real. It’s very real, and for some, it’s very devastating. Medication helps a lot of people, folks who otherwise wouldn’t be able to get through the day, who wouldn’t be able to pay their bills or clean their homes or make dinner without the smoke alarms. These are severe instances, there are actually plenty of people out there who can function well enough, if not perfectly, without medication. It’s not required, and even in the most severe instances, I still don’t see disorder. The “absent-minded professor,” the genius who doesn’t remember to wear socks, is an archetype for severe ADD. We don’t have a place for these people anymore, everyone has to be productive (over-productive, actually), and it’s just all that much harder to get along in this world. Medication, coaching, therapy, these are tools, nothing more.
What does ADD mean? The acronym stands for Attention Deficit Disorder. Basically, it’s considered some sort of defect in the brain, creating a hyper-active boy who is incapable of learning in a typical classroom setting, and is pretty much a powder keg, waiting to go off. The ADD boy is disruptive and socially incompetent, therefore he makes few friends. With medication, forced on hyperactive children because their parents, teachers and doctors don’t want to take the time to really help them, these children are flat-out dangerous to themselves and others. Since it’s an amphetamine, Ritalin is highly-addictive, and by providing these drugs, we are creating a new prison class, groups of people who were raised on this addictive substance and will, naturally, go on to have problems with alcohol and drugs, eventually leading them to a life of crime to support their habit. They’ll reproduce and their children will wind up in the “system” and continue the cycle, hence giving us our increase in overall mayhem.
All those who believe this, or some variant thereof, to be true, please stay. Those who believe this to be nothing but lies, efforts by some other major concerns to discredit ADD, the doctors, the patients, the pharmaceutical companies, et cetera, well, you can stay, too, but I have nothing really to teach you.
All those in the first group, I hate to say this, but that is WRONG! Obviously, if you’re interested in information, stick around. If you’re more interested in maintaining your extremely narrow views of the world (defined as an unwillingness to learn new information), well, fine, leave. I won’t stop you. Not here, anyway. Don’t forget, though, we can win this one, and we will.
So what about this drug thing? A child accurately diagnosed will actually likely forget to take their meds, not be addicted. ADD continues into adulthood in a majority of the cases, and many folks don’t find out until they’re adults. The hardest part of diagnosis in adults is history. We have one. I was 28 when I was officially diagnosed. I don’t have teacher testimony handy, but I have a history of detentions, particularly in junior high school. I don’t have report cards showing comments such as “Not working up to potential” but I have memories of teachers being extremely frustrated with me, having to give me A’s and B’s on my tests, and nearly failing me in the class because I didn’t do homework. I don’t have a diagnosis from childhood, a history of hyperactivity, but I do have a history of disruptiveness in class, and not even beginning major assignments until at least 48 hours before they’re due.
I am what’s termed ADD mixed, basically meaning I have both hyperactive and inattentive qualities. I can bounce off the walls and leave the room at the same time, is what that means. I wasn’t the quiet little girl in the back of the room, not paying attention to the teacher, not knowing what just happened in class. I was the one challenging the teachers, creating situations they’d rather not have, talking to the other students, and still able to figure out what they were talking about. They pretty much hated me for that. I could talk above them, too. It was pretty cool at times, pretty frustrating at others.
Was life hard? Sure. Find me a kid who didn’t have trouble with their lives. It’s all relative, after all. Would I change my life? Well, no, actually, I wouldn’t. First off, I don’t believe I’m disordered. I have a brain chemistry that more readily allows me to think outside of “the box.” I have trouble reading sometimes, the words just don’t stick, but that doesn’t happen all that often, not often enough to make life miserable. Second, I would be a different person if I had a different childhood, and I happen to like who I’ve become, and who I could one day be.
I’m perfectly fine with being an ADDult. I consider myself to be ADD, rather than have ADD. It’s a simple matter of syntax, but for me, it makes a difference. ADD is not a disorder, as far as I’m concerned. It’s a differene. There’s no deficit in attention, you’d be amazed how well we can hyper-focus on things. Attention is merely diverted. I can see what’s going on two cars ahead, two behind, read the billboard I just passed and judge how far from the lines I am, all while driving at about, oh, 80 mph.
What is ADD, really? It’s not something I can explain. You either get it, or you don’t. Just know this: It’s real. It’s very real, and for some, it’s very devastating. Medication helps a lot of people, folks who otherwise wouldn’t be able to get through the day, who wouldn’t be able to pay their bills or clean their homes or make dinner without the smoke alarms. These are severe instances, there are actually plenty of people out there who can function well enough, if not perfectly, without medication. It’s not required, and even in the most severe instances, I still don’t see disorder. The “absent-minded professor,” the genius who doesn’t remember to wear socks, is an archetype for severe ADD. We don’t have a place for these people anymore, everyone has to be productive (over-productive, actually), and it’s just all that much harder to get along in this world. Medication, coaching, therapy, these are tools, nothing more.
When I Grow Up
Originally posted on Themestream
What did I want to be when I grew up?
Well, a lot of things, like anyone else. I wanted to be an actress, or a singer, or even a writer. When I was a child, I even wrote books and sold a few to my friends. The artwork left a little to be desired, but the storyline was, well, there.
I went through elementary school wanting to be in the arts somehow. I was in plays and choirs all through school, with the exception of my junior high years. Then, I was learning that a purely academic environment was bad for me.
After high school, I went to college. The only reason I went was because the alternative was to stay at home, and that just wasn’t something I wanted to do. My mother had tried to help me some. She’d asked me what I was considering as a major, and arranged for me to meet professionals in those fields. I spent a day with a television news reporter, met with a child psychologist, and even got to speak with a professional actress. Even then, I was no closer to knowing what I wanted to be when I ‘grew up.’
Of course, what 18-year-old does?
In my seven years of college, I majored in psychology and mass communications, and took a variety of classes that were requirements for no major. College was a great experience for me overall. It was a learning experience, too, but that’s for another time.
Eventually, I graduated with a degree in music education. Shortly before graduation, however, I decided I didn’t want to teach. I’m still not completely sure why. I do know, however, that it related to my feeling incompetent, despite my education.
Why did I feel so incapable of teaching music? I’d been through the classes, and was heavily praised by my professors. I knew the material, and was comfortable in front of a classroom. My piano skills were weak, but that could be improved over time. Until then, there were accompanists and tapes, and I was able to pick out individual melodic lines on the piano.
My excuse was the bureaucracy. There’s a great deal of red tape involved in teaching. A love of the classroom isn’t enough. A teacher has to put up with quite a bit of garbage, from parents, from administrators and from taxpayers. Teachers often have to defend their positions to those who think it’s an easy job – work nine months a year, seven hours a day, off for the summer. I’d like to give those people a month in a teacher’s shoes.
The real reason wasn’t bureaucracy. It wasn’t the hours, or the money, and it actually wasn’t even the fear of not being prepared.
All my life, I’ve been told I’m not qualified for the job.
A teacher must be reliable. If a teacher misses work, there are people who will lose. Remember how those unfortunate substitute teachers were treated? A teacher must be prompt. A few minutes late to work could result in more lost time and anarchy in the classroom. A teacher must be organized. Standing in front of a class without a plan is an invitation to an unruly class. And a teacher must be confident in his or her ability to instruct.
Reliable? The only thing I’ve been told people can count on from me is that I will somehow, somewhere, screw up. Even though at my current position, I receive very high ratings and praise, I can’t help but think of when I will make a tremendous mistake that brings everyone down on me. That message came from my childhood, from my frequent changes in direction.
Prompt? I was late for my own birthday, and have rarely been on time since. Never mind that I usually get to work at minimum five minutes before I must, or that I have been able to make time to make breakfast before I leave. I don’t remember the mornings I caught the bus to school, the majority of the mornings. I remember the mornings when I caught the late bus and walked in the door just as the teacher was calling attendance.
Organization? Lack of organization is more appropriate. Employers have complimented my filing system, and yet I feel disorganized. I can find things if I have to, but I usually have to search. Arranging my thoughts in a particular order is another special challenge for me. At work, I can find whatever I need, due to extreme compensation. At home, I cannot find my bills.
Confident? With a history like that, who would be?
This is the point where I’m supposed to blame my ADD for my shortcomings. The thing is, while ADD did indeed lead to those behaviors, those around me were the ones who reinforced the problems. It’s not their fault, either, it just is. One of the things diagnosis did for me was give me answers to questions I’d wanted to know. Questions such as why I couldn’t seem to proofread an expense report, or why I couldn’t remember names of friends I’d known for years were answered with that diagnosis. I understood why I did the things I did.
With diagnosis, I learned there were solutions to my problems. In my instance, knowledge and medication helped. I’m learning to retrain myself, to do things differently than I had before. It doesn’t seem like much, but my coat gets hung up when I get home. My dishes are washed in the morning. My bed is made before I leave for work. These simple things were things I couldn’t understand. Not being able to do those simple things made me question my abilities for more complex tasks.
I’m still not quite ready to believe I can teach, to believe I’d be competent and not get bored with it in a few months. I do know that I would be good at it.
What did I want to be when I grew up?
Well, a lot of things, like anyone else. I wanted to be an actress, or a singer, or even a writer. When I was a child, I even wrote books and sold a few to my friends. The artwork left a little to be desired, but the storyline was, well, there.
I went through elementary school wanting to be in the arts somehow. I was in plays and choirs all through school, with the exception of my junior high years. Then, I was learning that a purely academic environment was bad for me.
After high school, I went to college. The only reason I went was because the alternative was to stay at home, and that just wasn’t something I wanted to do. My mother had tried to help me some. She’d asked me what I was considering as a major, and arranged for me to meet professionals in those fields. I spent a day with a television news reporter, met with a child psychologist, and even got to speak with a professional actress. Even then, I was no closer to knowing what I wanted to be when I ‘grew up.’
Of course, what 18-year-old does?
In my seven years of college, I majored in psychology and mass communications, and took a variety of classes that were requirements for no major. College was a great experience for me overall. It was a learning experience, too, but that’s for another time.
Eventually, I graduated with a degree in music education. Shortly before graduation, however, I decided I didn’t want to teach. I’m still not completely sure why. I do know, however, that it related to my feeling incompetent, despite my education.
Why did I feel so incapable of teaching music? I’d been through the classes, and was heavily praised by my professors. I knew the material, and was comfortable in front of a classroom. My piano skills were weak, but that could be improved over time. Until then, there were accompanists and tapes, and I was able to pick out individual melodic lines on the piano.
My excuse was the bureaucracy. There’s a great deal of red tape involved in teaching. A love of the classroom isn’t enough. A teacher has to put up with quite a bit of garbage, from parents, from administrators and from taxpayers. Teachers often have to defend their positions to those who think it’s an easy job – work nine months a year, seven hours a day, off for the summer. I’d like to give those people a month in a teacher’s shoes.
The real reason wasn’t bureaucracy. It wasn’t the hours, or the money, and it actually wasn’t even the fear of not being prepared.
All my life, I’ve been told I’m not qualified for the job.
A teacher must be reliable. If a teacher misses work, there are people who will lose. Remember how those unfortunate substitute teachers were treated? A teacher must be prompt. A few minutes late to work could result in more lost time and anarchy in the classroom. A teacher must be organized. Standing in front of a class without a plan is an invitation to an unruly class. And a teacher must be confident in his or her ability to instruct.
Reliable? The only thing I’ve been told people can count on from me is that I will somehow, somewhere, screw up. Even though at my current position, I receive very high ratings and praise, I can’t help but think of when I will make a tremendous mistake that brings everyone down on me. That message came from my childhood, from my frequent changes in direction.
Prompt? I was late for my own birthday, and have rarely been on time since. Never mind that I usually get to work at minimum five minutes before I must, or that I have been able to make time to make breakfast before I leave. I don’t remember the mornings I caught the bus to school, the majority of the mornings. I remember the mornings when I caught the late bus and walked in the door just as the teacher was calling attendance.
Organization? Lack of organization is more appropriate. Employers have complimented my filing system, and yet I feel disorganized. I can find things if I have to, but I usually have to search. Arranging my thoughts in a particular order is another special challenge for me. At work, I can find whatever I need, due to extreme compensation. At home, I cannot find my bills.
Confident? With a history like that, who would be?
This is the point where I’m supposed to blame my ADD for my shortcomings. The thing is, while ADD did indeed lead to those behaviors, those around me were the ones who reinforced the problems. It’s not their fault, either, it just is. One of the things diagnosis did for me was give me answers to questions I’d wanted to know. Questions such as why I couldn’t seem to proofread an expense report, or why I couldn’t remember names of friends I’d known for years were answered with that diagnosis. I understood why I did the things I did.
With diagnosis, I learned there were solutions to my problems. In my instance, knowledge and medication helped. I’m learning to retrain myself, to do things differently than I had before. It doesn’t seem like much, but my coat gets hung up when I get home. My dishes are washed in the morning. My bed is made before I leave for work. These simple things were things I couldn’t understand. Not being able to do those simple things made me question my abilities for more complex tasks.
I’m still not quite ready to believe I can teach, to believe I’d be competent and not get bored with it in a few months. I do know that I would be good at it.
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